


In Case You Didn't Know

by notnicorette



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-02 01:09:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10933848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notnicorette/pseuds/notnicorette
Summary: Canon-Divergent after 4x11Octavia banishes Clarke and Bellamy doesn't think he can let her walk away alone again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Warning: This contains spoilers from The Script Leak of '17.
> 
> Basically, I started dreaming this up right after 4x11 aired, and I wanted to get at least the beginning posted before 4x12 completely ruined all my super-shippery headcanons. #sorrynotsorry?

_Bellamy_

Bellamy watched in horror and anger as Clarke nodded, then walked out the door, her spine ramrod straight, even as he saw her lower lip tremble slightly.

Abby shot a glare at Octavia, then turned it on him for a moment before she jogged out after her daughter.

Kane, meanwhile, stared after them both, then sank down onto the couch, his head in his hands as he released a long sigh.

Bellamy turned to his sister, who was standing behind the desk, her face unmoving. “O, you can’t do this!” he repeated.

Octavia turned to look at him, her eyes betraying a moment of uncertainty before the veil quickly fell again, turning her back into the no-nonsense leader she’d become. “Bellamy, I have to.”

He walked closer, his eyes beseeching, his tone pleading, “There has to be another way…”  

Octavia let out a frustrated sigh. “I told you, everyone found out about Skaikru stealing the bunker. They were ready to stage a mutiny. You know exactly what that would’ve meant. Every single one of us would’ve been tossed out on our asses…or maybe just rounded up and killed. This is the only way…I promised them the leader who planned the deception…and that’s Clarke.”

“They don’t know that!” he shouted angrily.

Octavia raised her perfect brows in a challenge. “So…what? You want me to condemn an innocent person to death instead? Who should I pick?”

Bellamy let out a frustrated huff, closing his eyes for a minute. “No, of course I don’t. But…”

“Yeah, I know, big brother. It’s Clarke.”

He opened his eyes, catching his sister’s gaze. She looked almost apologetic for the first time.

“It has to be her, Bellamy. She’s the one who did this, and the grounders all think of her as our leader anyway. I doubt they’d believe us if we even tried to lay the blame on someone else.”

Bellamy shook his head angrily. She wasn’t wrong. Fucking _Wanheda_. He’d always hated that name, but never more so than right now.

“Bell…go tell her…”

He looked up when his sister paused, finding her watching him sadly, her eyes full of too much information he didn’t want her to have.

“Go tell her goodbye,” she finished quietly.

He shook his head again, refusing to admit defeat, then turning on his heel and walking out the door.

He traveled quickly in the direction Clarke had gone, finding her in the tiny room she’d claimed just a few hours prior.

He didn’t waste time with pleasantries, instead just walking inside and standing behind her, hands on his hips as he watched her pack her meager belongings back into her backpack.

“Where’s your mom?” he asked, finding Clarke alone.

Clarke didn’t even look surprised to see him there, just glancing at him as she continued stuffing clothing and medical supplies in her bag. “She has some plan about getting Kane and Jaha to change your sister’s mind. I tried to tell her it won’t work, but she’s in denial about…me leaving.”

“I…I tried to talk to her…but she isn’t listening,” Bellamy admitted, beyond frustrated and well into panic.

Clarke shrugged one shoulder, smiling a little sadly as she turned toward him, grabbing her notebooks off the desk and dropping them in her backpack. “Honestly, she’s doing the right thing.”

“Clarke, how can you…” he started to ask incredulously.

“I probably would have done the same thing,” Clarke admitted. “It’s about saving as many of our people as possible, right? This way, 100 of us will survive. Had she done nothing, none of our people would have. At least this way…” she looked up at him. “I know the people I care about will be safe. If I have to leave to make that happen…I can live with that.”

Bellamy was so far into a state of fierce denial about her leaving, he almost missed her pointed look at him as she talked about the people she cared about.

…almost.

But he did notice it…and it left him with one very clear thought.

Sometimes, it’s about saving as many people as possible.

And sometimes, it’s about saving the people you love the most.

He grabbed her arm so quickly, she jumped a bit in surprise. “I need to do something. Don’t leave until I get back, okay?”

She eyed him warily. “Don’t do anything stupid, Bellamy.”

“I’m not.”

She looked at him like she didn’t quite believe him.

He gave her a slight smile. “I promise. I’m not going to start a war or anything. Just stay here, okay?”

She was still eyeing him worriedly, but she nodded.

He jogged down the hallway, to where his belongings had been placed.

Luckily, he hadn’t had time to unpack yet, so he just grabbed his backpack off the bunk and his jacket off the back of the chair, then quickly made his way back down to the office where he’d left his sister.

He found her alone inside, staring at the computer screen that indicated how much radiation was present outside.

She glanced up when he shut the door behind him, took one look at his backpack, and said, “Oh, hell no, big brother.”

He set his backpack on the floor, dropped his coat on the couch, and walked closer to her. “O…” he began quietly, his voice steady and sure.

“No!” she insisted, stepping around the desk and planting a hand in the center of his chest, shoving a little. “You are not sacrificing yourself for her. I won’t let you.”

“I’m not sacrificing anything, Octavia. I…” he sighed, looking away as he tried to figure out how to explain why he had to do this. “You and Clarke…you’re the most important people in my life. And you’re going to do great here. You’ve got 12 clans worshipping you after winning the conclave. You’re going to be in charge of what’s left of the entire human race.  You’ll have food, and water, and clean air…” he stepped closer, putting his hands on her upper arms. “I don’t need to worry about you anymore. I mean…I’m always going to…but you’re an adult, and you’re stronger than I’ll ever be. You don’t need me to protect you anymore. If I let Clarke walk out those doors alone…”

Octavia was watching him with an angry look, although there were also tears in her eyes. “I could make you stay.”

He sighed. She could. Miller and the rest of the guards had already shown they weren’t going to be loyal to him. Hell, even Murphy had sided against him. “I know you could. But I’m asking you not to.”

“Bellamy…if you go out there…you’re going to die…”

“Come on. If anyone can figure out a way to survive, it’s me and Clarke. Have more faith in your big brother than that,” he wasn’t quite sure he believed it, but he was trying. “They’re going to hold a lottery anyway. I don’t deserve special treatment. Give my spot to someone else.”

She continued looking at him warily.

“You don’t need me anymore, O.” He said quietly. “But…I need her.”

Octavia sighed, looking somewhere near his chest. “I always knew she was going to end up getting you killed.”

Bellamy wrapped his arms around his little sister. “I love her,” he said quietly against the top of her head.

“I know. That’s the only reason I’m not killing her myself to end this stupid suicide mission.”

“…thanks?”

Octavia pulled back, looking up at him fiercely. “Five years…five years and your ass better be knocking on that bunker door, asking what’s taking us so long. You understand me, big brother?”

Bellamy nodded, trying to fight back tears, knowing that this very well may be the last time he got to see his baby sister.

She threw her arms around him again. “You’re an idiot,” she murmured.

He snorted, knowing he couldn’t exactly argue with that.

“I love you, Bellamy,” she said, the words coming out just as fiercely as she said everything else.

“I love you too, O.”

They finally pulled themselves apart, and he walked to the door, grabbing his things as he went.

This time Octavia was the one to say it. “May we meet again.”

He tried not to cry, really he did. “Damn right we will.”

He took one last look at her, trying to remember her like this…as the strong warrior who could take care of herself. He knew it would let his conscience rest a little easier for whatever time he had left.

He opened the door, leaving his little sister behind, which is something he never thought he’d have to do.

He’d done a lot of things he’d never thought he’d be capable of since landing on this godforsaken planet.

But then he took a few steps and saw the back of a blonde head of hair hurrying down the hallway, the rest of her body obscured by a radiation suit, and he knew he was making the right decision.


	2. Chapter 2

_Clarke_

Clarke stood there in her radiation suit, sans head piece, trying not cry, both for herself and for her mother. “Mom…it’s okay. I’ll be okay.”

“You can’t know that, Clarke!” Abby practically yelled back, even though she was only a few inches away from her daughter.

“I’ll…I’ll figure something out,” Clarke insisted, her tears threatening to spill over.

“There’s nothing to figure out! We went through every possible scenario already! _This_ …this bunker…is our only option. If you go out there…”

Clarke grabbed her mom’s hands. “Mom…either I leave…or you all have to leave. The grounders want blood…and they’re going to get it one way or another. I have to go. I’d never be able to live with myself if…”

Abby’s shoulder squared as she grasped her daughter’s hands tighter. “Then I’m coming with you.”

Clarke’s eyes widened. “No, Mom…you can’t…”

“I’m not letting you go out there alone!” Abby insisted.

Clarke heard heavy footsteps behind her…a gait she would’ve recognized anywhere.

“She’s not going to be alone,” Bellamy’s voice said.

Clarke turned around, seeing Bellamy walking up behind her, already wearing a radiation suit, carrying the helmet and a backpack.  

Her heart stopped, then started racing in her chest, both elated and terrified. “Bellamy…what are you doing?”

He gave her that cheeky grin she loved so much. “What does it look like I’m doing, Princess?”

She started shaking her head, “No, you can’t. I won’t let you.”

“Well…since I don’t take orders from you, I’m gonna need a better reason.”

Clarke wanted to punch him and hug him, all at the same time. Instead, she settled for grabbing his arm and pulling him to the side, away from everyone else. “Same reason as last time!” she insisted. “I’m not letting you sacrifice yourself. Not for me.”

“Who said anything about sacrificing myself? You and I are going to go out there and find a way to survive, like we always do.”

“Bellamy…” she shook her head again.

“You and me, Clarke. We survived the grounders, we kept a group of teenagers alive, we got our people out of Mount Weather, we beat ALIE. Haven’t you figured out by now that we can survive anything when we work together? You’re the brains…I’m the heart. We keep each other balanced. The only way either of us is going to survive this is if we’re together. I’m going with you.”

She couldn’t help the tears that fell down her face, because this stupid, _stupid_ boy was going to get himself killed…for her. “Don’t do this. Please, don’t do this.”

“Clarke…”

She shut her eyes, her face contorted in what looked like physical pain. “Please stop. If you don’t stop, I’m not going to be strong enough to keep telling you I don’t want you to go with me. And I can’t let you go with me, Bellamy. I can’t.”

When she opened her eyes, she found him looking at her intently, most of the barriers he usually kept up to hide his emotions completely stripped away. “I let you walk away once, Clarke. I knew you were hurting and I knew it wasn’t safe, but I let you convince me it was want you wanted, even when every bone in my body was telling me to either drag you back to camp or to go with you. I’m not making that mistake again. If you walk out those doors, it’s going to be with me beside you.”

That’s what did it. That’s what broke her.

She stepped forward, going into his arms, her head against his chest as she half sobbed, “We have nowhere to go, Bellamy. I don’t know how we would…”

_Survive_. She didn’t know how they’d survive.

“We’ll figure it out, Clarke. We always do. You and me, together,” he said, his voice slightly muffled by her hair.

She hated the fact that she was being so selfish, but she was terrified, and the thought of having him with her soothed her heart in a way she couldn’t even describe.

Of course, it also terrified her, because she didn’t see how they were going to make it and the thought of him dying was too much for her already broken heart to bear.

Clarke heard Kane’s voice behind her. “It may be easier to find somewhere for just the two of you,” he said, trying to keep his voice hopeful. “Maybe a section of the Ark that wasn’t too badly damaged. Or the dropship… If you can stockpile enough food and water…”

Bellamy nodded. “We’ll check them as soon as we leave.”

Clarke let go of Bellamy and turned around, hugging her mother tightly. “It’s okay, Mom. We’ll be okay.”

Abby had her arms in a crushing grip around her. “I love you, Clarke.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

Clarke started to pull away, but Abby refused to let go.

“No, not yet,” she insisted.

Clarke felt a sob wrack her body, but she started disentangling herself, glancing at Kane as she did so.

He got the message, taking Abby by the shoulders and holding her in place, allowing Clarke to step back.

“We have to go, Mom. The sooner we leave, the longer we have to find somewhere safe before the wave hits,” Clarke said, ever the pragmatist. Of course, she was also trying to get out of there before she gave into the urge to fall sobbing into her mother’s arms and beg her to fix everything.

Kane nodded solemnly at her, then Bellamy. “You’ve both grown into two of the finest people I’ve ever known. I have no doubt that, if anyone can find a way, it’s the two of you. May we meet again.”

They both repeated the words, then turned to look at Abby.

To Clarke’s surprise, she wasn’t looking at her, but at Bellamy.

There were tears streaming down her face, and it looked like Kane was supporting a good portion of her weight, but her gaze was still fierce as her eyes drilled holes into Bellamy. “Promise me,” she demanded.

Clarke looked at Bellamy in surprise, but he seemed to take Abby’s words in stride.

“I promise,” he replied.

Clarke kept glancing back and forth between them, but neither one seemed inclined to let her in on what they were talking about.

Abby abruptly turned her gaze to her daughter, seeming to gather some of that resolve that Clarke knew flowed through her own veins. “May we meet again.”

Clarke repeated the words, but her voice was cracking by the end, and she knew she needed to leave before her own resolve weakened.

She backed up, grabbing her bag and heading for the hallway that led to the bunker door.

By the time she got to the next hallway, which was deserted, Bellamy had caught up to her.

They both put on the tops of their suits, then they stood side-by-side, staring at the door.

Bellamy’s right hand went for the latch. As soon as he did, the light switched from red to green, which meant that someone was in the office, pressing the button to release it.

“ _Thanks, O,”_ he muttered under his breath.

He turned to Clarke, “Ready, Princess?”

On impulse, she reached out, grabbing his left hand with her right.

It was clumsy and awkward, what with the bulky gloves on their hands, and she couldn’t even feel the warmth of his skin beneath hers, but then he squeezed her fingers and it gave her the courage she needed.

She nodded.

He held her gaze for a moment longer, then pulled the door open. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: For those who are asking/curious, yes I already have the entire story planned. I have since the end of 4x11, based on the leaks, my own spec, and my Super Shipper Goggles. In fact, I already have most of it written. Barring any major catastrophes, I hope to have it all posted before the finale airs. (If I don't, please come yell at me, because my procrastination is REAL.)

_Bellamy_

Outside was…intense. The sky had started turning an odd orangish color, the air seemed thick and unnaturally heavy, and there wasn’t an insect or animal to be seen.

There were, however, a few grounders milling around in the shadows, and Bellamy wasn’t in the mood to deal with them, especially if they decided they wanted to fight over the radiation suits.

“Come on,” he said quietly, tugging on Clarke’s hand.

They walked quickly, not slowing until they got into the cover of the woods, out of the immediate sight of anyone wandering around, looking to start trouble.

They stopped for a second to catch their breath, the heavy suits and stale air making moving quickly difficult.

The detector Bellamy was carrying indicated that the radiation was starting to get to unsafe levels. They would probably be okay without the suits, but only for a few minutes at a time. Otherwise, they’d be struck down by radiation poisoning.

“I take it Kane doesn’t know that we already ripped holes in the drop ship, salvaging metal when we were prepping the Ark?” Clarke asked, a bit of amusement in her voice.

Bellamy shook his head.

Clarke shrugged, sitting down on a large flat rock. “At least it made my mom feel better.”

Bellamy sat down beside her, suddenly feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders, along with a desperation he hated. He wanted, with every fiber of his being, to save the girl sitting beside him…and he was starting to think that might be too impossible a task, even for them.

This wasn’t an enemy he could fight with his gun or his hands…this wasn’t a person she could outsmart. It was a massive radiation wave, and it couldn’t be beaten down or reasoned with.

He placed his hand over hers on the rock. “What are we gonna do, Princess?”

She smiled a little. “You know what I’d like to do?”

He raised his eyebrows, waiting.

“Go back to that aid depot we found when we first landed.”

Bellamy thought about it for a second, frowning as he remembered the skeleton they’d found. “It wasn’t radiation safe, Clarke. And there wasn’t any food left…”

She shook her head. “I know. I didn’t mean that it would protect us. Just…if we have nowhere else to go anyway…I’d be okay with going there.”

Bellamy looked at her a little oddly, which made her chuckle.

“I know, I know. The jobi nuts and Dax and all that…but…some really good things happened there too, Bellamy,” she said, turning her hand over so she could close it around his.

He looked at their joined hands, then at her face, remembering what else had happened that day…the way they’d protected each other, the way they’d comforted each other...the way they’d leaned against the tree trunk, taking strength from each other.

It was an important day to him too. It was the day he’d really started trusting her. It was also the day he’d first caught himself flirting with her, and found he liked it a little too much.

“Bellamy…” she began, her gaze intent on his.

That’s when two radiation suit clad figures came into view just a few dozen feet away from them.     

He and Clarke both stood, tensing as they waited to see who it was.

As the figures got closer, Bellamy could just make out angular facial features and a mop of greasy hair. “Murphy?” he asked. “What are you doing here??”

The other man waited until he got closer to answer, nodding toward Emori, who was standing beside him. “They’re about to start the lottery. Emori was disowned by her clan as an infant, and Skaikru doesn’t want to give one of their spots to someone else, so we left before they could throw us out.”

Bellamy stared at the other man for a minute, gauging his sincerity, wondering why he’d left so easily. Suddenly, it dawned on him. “You left before anyone realized there weren’t enough suits for everyone who was going to be kicked out.”

Murphy smirked, shrugging.

Bellamy snorted, because some things never changed. Honestly though, he was glad he and Clarke had gotten out with the suits too.

He shared an understanding gaze with the other man…not sure how to feel about the fact that they were often on the same wavelength lately…at least when it came to protecting the people they cared about.

“Do you have your radio on Channel 17?” Murphy asked.

Bellamy shook his head, surprised by the question. He’d taken a radio, but left it on Channel 4, which was the standard channel Skaikru used to communicate.

Channel 17 was something Raven, Monty, and Jasper had come up with right after the Ark had landed, back when the adults had proclaimed themselves rulers and were making stupid decisions and trying to force the 100 to conform. The kids had needed a way to communicate safely without the others overhearing, so Raven had reprogrammed the radios, which only had 16 channels, to have another channel that could only be accessed by over-rotating the dial and then moving back to Channel 16, which would then become Channel 17.

Bellamy hadn’t even thought about that in months, and certainly not now, with the end of the world approaching.

Murphy, however, sly fox that he was, had _of course_ thought of that.

“No, why? What’s going on?” Bellamy asked.

“Monty. He and Raven have been talking…they think they have a plan.”

Bellamy glanced at Clarke, trying like hell not to get his hopes up, but finding the same careful glimmer in her eyes that he felt in his own. “What plan??” he asked Murphy.

“They want us to go back to space,” Murphy answered.

Bellamy felt his jaw drop. “Space?!” he asked incredulously.

Murphy shrugged. “I don’t know. We only had time for the short run-down. Basically, Raven thinks we can use the rocket to get to what’s left of the Ark. But there’s only room for 8 people, which is why Monty is using Channel 17. He didn’t want another freaking war over this. Raven, Monty, Harper, Me, Emori, and the two of you. One spot left if we need it.”

Bellamy felt his heart drop into his stomach. “Jasper?”

Murphy’s gaze turned sad for a moment as he shook his head.

Bellamy closed his eyes, trying to get his emotions under control. Now wasn’t the time…and he tried to remind himself that this was what Jasper had wanted.

He heard Clarke’s sharp intake of breath beside him and he again reached out to grasp her hand.

Murphy, never one to dally, broke them out of their short moment of mourning. “Let’s go. Monty and Harper are heading this way in the Rover to pick us up.”

After a quick glance at Clarke, checking to make sure she was on board, the four of them headed out, walking as quickly as they could in the cumbersome suits.

They’d probably only been travelling for 20 minutes or so when they heard the familiar hum of the Rover approaching.

Bellamy breathed a sigh of relief and heard Clarke do the same beside him.

In just a few seconds, the Rover came barreling through the trees, abruptly stopping when it was just a few feet from them.

Monty hopped out, also clad in a suit, and raced over to them. “You guys okay?”

They all nodded, but Murphy quickly jumped in. “Can we take inventory and hug later? Let’s go.”

Monty rolled his eyes, but they all headed for the Rover. “Bellamy, you should drive,” he suggested.

Bellamy nodded, swinging himself into the driver’s seat. He wasn’t surprised to notice that Harper had already moved to the back, leaving the front seat free for Clarke.

Clarke slid in beside him, sending him a reassuring glance as they waited for the others to load into the back.

Once the doors slammed shut, he quickly turned the Rover around, then shifted into 1st gear, heading out along the bumpy road toward Becca’s Island.

He immediately felt better—the open road in front of him, one hand on the wheel and one on the gearshift, dodging fallen limbs and shifting like it was what he was born to do.

He felt so much better _doing_ something.

Now that they had a goal, he could draw on his strength to help fulfill it, and it gave him a bit of peace, knowing that their destiny was back in their own hands again.

Because these people around him? He’d bet on them any day.

They’d only travelled a mile or so when Bellamy was forced to send the Rover screeching to a halt.

“What the hell??” he asked, staring at a lump in the road that seemed to be covered with furs.

He honestly wasn’t sure if it was an animal or a person until it moved, raising its head weakly to look at the Rover, which had stopped just a few feet away.

“It’s Echo!” Clarke said, reaching for her door handle.

Bellamy grabbed her arm. “Are you insane?”

“Bellamy…we can’t just leave her here to die,” Clarke said in that no-nonsense voice she used every time she was trying to convince him to do something against his better judgement.

“Yes, we can,” he said unapologetically. “She almost killed O _twice_. She was cheating in the conclave. Roan banished her and so did Octavia.”

Clarke fixed him with a pointed glare. “Octavia banished me too, Bellamy.”

_Dammit._

“There are eight spots and only seven of us. Everyone back at Arkadia…” Clarke trailed off, not wanting to finish that sentence. “And we can’t risk going back to the bunker. It’s too dangerous, and if word got out…none of us would end up on that rocket.”

Murphy leaned forward, sticking his head between them. “Leave her there or bring her. I don’t care. Just _hurry up_.”

Clarke looked at Bellamy, eyebrow raised.

He sighed, closing his eyes. “Whatever the hell you want, Princess.”

Clarke and Monty scrambled out of the Rover, running over to drag Echo into the back.

Bellamy barely waited for the doors to shut before he shifted back into gear, taking off like a bat out of hell.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ummm...there are a lot of feelings here. And also...some smut. This is my first time posting smut (at least for this fandom), soooo...please be kind? Or not. Up to you. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> And...like I said...A LOT OF FEELINGS.
> 
> Come cry with me.

_Clarke_

Clarke watched Bellamy as he walked through Becca’s mansion, his eyes taking in all the comfort and opulence around him with a wide stare.

She couldn’t help but smile a little, leading him upstairs to the room she’d used the last time she was here.

He followed her without question, probably because he was a little overwhelmed by his surroundings.

Raven had instructed them all to clean up and get a few hours sleep while she ran her final simulations, finding the perfect angle and speed for the rocket to safely reach the Ark.

Clarke led him into the bedroom, motioning toward the dresser. “There are clean clothes in there. You should be able to find something that fits. The shower is in there,” she said, gesturing through a closed door. “You can go first.”

Bellamy, still a little dazed, nodded, rummaging through the dresser drawers until he found what he needed, then headed into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Clarke heard him moving around, opening drawers and apparently picking up different things and then setting them back down.

Finally, she heard the shower turn on, then the glass door open and close.

She went to the dresser, grabbing some clothes for herself before sitting back down on the edge of the bed.

She sat there, hyperaware of every sound she heard coming from the bathroom.

She could even tell when he shifted under the water, because the water pressure sounded different, the droplets obviously hitting different parts of him.

Clarke wondered if he was just standing there, letting the hot water drench him. It was what she’d done her first night here.

No matter how hard she tried to tamp down the thought…all she could think about was opening the door and stepping into the shower with him.

It wasn’t even about the sexual aspect of it…she just couldn’t stop imagining how amazing it would be to step into the circle of his arms, feel his bare skin against hers, and let the water wash away…everything. All the pain, all the regret, all the guilt…it would wash away everything but them.

He was all she wanted to hold on to anyway.

Before she could talk herself out of it…or talk herself into it…the water shut off.

Clarke sighed, although she knew it was probably for the best.

A few minutes later, Bellamy came out, wearing pajama bottoms and a t-shirt, his hair still wet.

“That was…something,” he admitted.

She smiled. “I know,” she said, grabbing her pile of clothes and heading for the bathroom.

Bellamy was just standing in the middle of the room, looking a little lost.

She paused, halfway in the door. “Stay with me?” she asked quietly.

He hesitated a minute, his eyes searching hers, but he eventually nodded.

She gave him a small smile before heading into the bathroom to take her own shower.

She tried standing under the water for a minute, looking for that catharsis she’d wanted, but it just wasn’t the same.

A few minutes later, she emerged from the bathroom to find him sitting a little awkwardly on the edge of the bed.

He looked up when he saw her, noticing her new attire, which was similar to his, and the way she was towel-drying her hair.

“I can…uh…sleep on the floor,” he said, hand going up to rub at the back of his neck.

Clarke made her way over to sit beside him. “I meant it when I asked you to stay with me, Bellamy,” she said quietly.

He nodded, and they got into bed, slightly awkwardly, but with no major mishaps.

Clarke looked over, noticing he was laying on his back, hands on his stomach, his body not even close to the halfway line in the middle of the bed.

She slid towards him, pausing only when she was right beside him. “Do you mind?” she asked, nodding at his arm.

He looked surprised, but quickly lifted his arm, allowing her to slide underneath it.

She laid her head on his chest with a sigh, and felt his hand come up to tentatively rest on her arm.

“Clarke…the other day…I started to say something, and you stopped me. Then today, I feel like you were going to say something and then Murphy showed up. Should we…”

Clarke closed her eyes against the emotions assailing her, trying to force her heart and lungs to work normally. “Bellamy…don’t.”

His hand, which had started absentmindedly stroking through her damp hair, stopped abruptly as his entire body tensed.

Clarke sat up, her back to him as she stared at her hands. “It’s not…” she sighed. “It’s not what you’re thinking,” she murmured.

She felt him sit up beside her. “What do you mean?” he asked warily.

She wasn’t even sure that they were reading the same book, let alone on the same damn page. But what was the end of the world good for, if not taking a few risks?

She took a deep breath, then started in a shaky voice. “I’ve told two people I love them…and I’ve thought about it…I’ve obsessed over it, really. And I don’t know that I meant it either time…at least not the way I should have.”

There was a silence while they both let that sink in. Clarke wasn’t sure if she expected him to say something or not, but he didn’t, so she continued.

“Both times, I knew that I’d never get to see them again. It felt like the right thing to say, ya know? I’m not sure if it was for their benefit or mine…but it seemed like what I was supposed to do to make us both feel better.”

“Clarke…”

She held up her hand. “Wait. Let me finish,” she insisted. “You know I…don’t have a great track record. The people I care about…the people I love…”

“I know,” he said quietly, his hand rubbing soothing circles over her back.

“It makes me scared to get close to anyone…the more I care about them…the more terrified I am I’m going to lose them,” she paused, trying to stop a few tears from falling but not really succeeding. 

He sounded impossibly sad when he replied, “I know, Clarke.”

"Bellamy....I've never been as afraid of losing anyone as I am of losing you," she said, and she heard his sharp inhale.

He didn’t say anything, which honestly, she was grateful for. He just gathered her up in his arms, holding her against his chest.

After a moment, she heard him mumble against the top of her hair, “You know…these aren’t new feelings…at least not on my end. It’s not like I just realized how I felt because the world’s about to end.”

Her heart caught in her throat and she clung tighter to his shirt. “Mine aren’t new either,” she admitted. “But I just…we deserve better than this, Bell. We deserve to tell each other when we’re…happy. When we can say it freely and there’s not some damn clock on it.”

She felt his sigh ruffle the top of her hair. “If that’s what you want, Princess.”

She closed her eyes, nodding. It wasn’t _really_ what she wanted, but she was trying her damndest to convince herself it was what they needed.

He laid back down, pulling her with him. “We should try to get some sleep before Raven wakes us.”

She nodded, settling her head more comfortably on his chest and curling her hand tighter into his shirt just above his stomach.

A few minutes passed, in which his breathing evened out and she kind of assumed he was sleeping. It let her relax a little more, her mind wandering.

All she could think about was how _safe_ she felt. The world was literally descending into chaos outside, but here…for a moment…she was almost…at peace.

_This_ was her happy place—here…with him.

That’s when she started to realize…”This is so _stupid_.”

Bellamy’s hand, which had tangled in her damp hair, moved a little. “Clarke?”

She again sat up, but this time, she turned sideways so she could see him.

He sat up beside her, his eyes intent on hers.

“This is so _stupid_ ,” she repeated. “I kept telling myself that this wasn’t the right time…that what we have is too important to start when things are falling apart around us…but I’ve been telling myself that for _months_ now…and what has it gotten us?”

He moved his hand to her knee, rubbing soft circles as he watched her…waited for her to finish.

“It’s pushed both of us to other people. It’s made us…” she glanced at him quickly, stuttering a little. “…or at least _me_ \--miserable. We keep fighting…pushing each other away…because we know that if we get any closer, we’ll fall even harder and I don’t…” she paused, breathing harshly as she put her hand over his on her knee. “Bellamy…” she put her other hand on his cheek. “I want to hear your voice when you say it. I want to see your face when I say it.”

He closed his eyes for a minute, leaning into her touch. When he opened them again, they were clear and bright and shining with so much love, they almost blinded her.

“Clarke…will you shut up for a minute?” he asked, voice a little choked.

She nodded, grinning and sniffling a little.

He put his hand over the one she had on his cheek, turning his head so he could kiss her palm before he moved their joined hands to his lap.

“I can’t tell you how many times I almost told you…” he began, his gaze still on their hands. “But I didn’t. Honestly, I probably should’ve said it a long time ago…but then I guess we wouldn’t be us, would we?”

She was shaking her head, but he probably couldn’t tell because he still wasn’t looking at her.

“Clarke…” he finally raised his head, looking her in the eye, a small smile playing on his lips. “In case you somehow didn’t know…I’m crazy about you. I don’t even know how to say everything I want to tell you…it’s more than just…romance…or attraction or…I don’t know.”

He started getting flustered by the magnitude of what he was trying to say, and _yeah,_ Clarke could relate. “Bell…it’s okay,” she whispered.

He shook his head, determined to finish. “I don’t know how I would have done… _any_ …of this without you. I’m a better man because of you. You know what we talked about before…how we make better decisions together? Your head, my heart?”

She nodded.

“That wasn’t completely true, because…my heart’s yours, Clarke. It has been for a long time.” He paused, squeezing her hands tightly as he looked into her eyes. “I love you.”

She immediately got on her knees, crawling into his lap to press her lips firmly to his.

She was pretty sure they were both crying, but it was still the best kiss she’d ever had.

Her hands were on his face, holding him close as they kissed, and his were on her waist, pulling her further into his lap.

That is, until she realized she hadn’t gotten to tell him yet. She pulled back, laughing when he didn’t want to let go.

“Bell…wait,” she mumbled, smiling against his lips. “It’s my turn.”

That seemed to be enough to make him loosen his hold on her, but she only moved back a few inches…just enough to see his face.

“Bellamy…I love you too,” she said, smiling through her tears. “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t in love with you.”

And the pain, the longing, the heartache…it was all worth it, because his face looked even better than she’d imagined it would. He was all awe and disbelief and an adoration so sweet it made her heart hurt. 

Their lips met again, this time in a deeper kiss.

She scooted forward, pressing her chest against his as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

His tongue slipped into her mouth at the same time his hands slid under her shirt, just caressing the bare skin at her waist, and she lost herself to how amazing it felt to finally, _finally_ be this close to him.

She made a frustrated noise in her throat, wanting to feel more of him against her. She slid her hands down his chest, trying to find the hem of his shirt to pull it off.

His hands landed on top of hers just as she started pulling it up. “Clarke…we don’t have to,” he said breathlessly. “We don’t have to rush. I…” he ducked his head a little, almost bashful. “Sometimes, I never thought we’d even get here. This…this is enough for now.”

She closed her eyes, resting her forehead against his as she soaked in all that love he kept showing her in ways she hadn’t even known existed. “Bellamy…” she pulled back enough to look at him. “What are we waiting for? We’ve waited long enough, don’t you think?”

She finished her last sentence with a roll of her hips against his, which made him groan.

“I need you, Bell…I need all of you,” she said, leaning down to kiss him again.

Their clothes disappeared in a flurry of motion, and she ended up back in his lap, both of them reluctant to stop kissing for anything, even the removal of clothing.

His hands skimmed up her sides, his thumbs just catching on the curves of her breasts, and she _knew_ that he’d be the kind of lover that could spend hours on foreplay…at least with her.

He was so selfless in every other aspect of his life, and he already did so many things to try to make her happy…she had no doubt that he’d gladly spend most of their time in bed trying to please her.

And honestly, the thought of that made her toes curl.

But…it wasn’t what she wanted…at least not right now.

She wasn’t kidding when she said she’d been waiting a long time for this.

They’d already gotten so close in so many other ways…this felt like the last piece of the puzzle.

It wasn’t just about pleasure, at least not right now. It was about being as close to him as two people could possibly be.

Now that everything was _finally_ out in the open…she was just seconds away from knowing him in every possible way, and she didn’t think she could wait any more.

It was a kind of craving she’d never experienced before, and it was all-consuming.

She wrapped one arm around his shoulders, using the leverage to lean up, and reached her other hand between them, taking him in her hand and stroking him a few times.

“Clarke,” he exhaled, his eyes falling closed at her touch. “You don’t have to rush. Let me make it good for you.”

She leaned in to kiss his forehead, her smile ridiculously bright as the fondness she felt for him grew even more. “Bell…you’re doing what I was trying to do,” she said, staring at him intently. “There’s no perfect time…no perfect place…no perfect anything in this insane world we live in. You know what is perfect? Me and you, together.”

She raised up, placing him at her entrance. “We’ll have time for everything else later, yeah?”

She waited until he nodded to slowly lower herself onto him.

And yeah, it had been a while, and he was rather well-endowed, so she probably should’ve let him warm her up a little first, but this was _the best_ kind of pain—the kind that reminded her that she was alive and that the man she loved more than anything in the world was currently inside her…as close to her as he could possibly get.

He let out a ragged breath as she took all of him, his voice guttural as he managed a low, “ _Clarke_.”

She wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of physical and emotional reactions she was having…but she should’ve known, because every damn thing was always different…always _more_ with him.

She’d never felt this kind of intimacy before…she’d never been this exposed…and her body had certainly never been on fire like this before.

It was too much…it wasn’t enough…it was _everything_.

Her hands scrabbled for purchase on his shoulders, needing something to hold onto…feeling like she’d drown if she wasn’t holding onto him.

“Bell..” she knew her voice sounded desperate and she didn’t even care. “Kiss me. Please, just kiss me.”

He did, and it was so odd, simultaneously wanting to hold herself back…keep the parts of herself she didn’t like hidden from him…and also wanting to cling to him for dear life, lest she lose herself even more to everything swirling around her.

That’s when he moved to kiss her cheek, so sweetly it made her eyes sting.

“Clarke…let go. I’ll catch you,” he promised. “I’ll always catch you.”

And that’s when she realized…he already knew all of her. Even those darkest parts of her soul that she couldn’t bear…he knew about all of them…and he loved her anyway.

Her mouth met his at the same time she started moving her hips, rocking on him, and they became a tangle of limbs and lips and tongues, wrapped around each other as they moved in a rhythm as old as time, yet one that felt like it had been created just for them.

She didn’t know how long they stayed like that, her arms wrapped around his shoulders, her hands tangling in his hair, his hands on her hips, helping her move up and down on him, her body accepting him every time like he was exactly what she needed…but eventually, the tension started to build, the pleasure in her body coiled too tightly, and she bit his lower lip, her fingernails scratching roughly along his shoulders.

“ _Bellamy_ ,” she managed, her voice a plea.

“I know, Princess,” he murmured in what he probably thought was a soothing manner, but his voice, which was pitched even lower than normal, and sounded almost as wrecked as she felt, combined with the nickname she’d always secretly loved, only served to get her even hotter.

Thankfully, he reached down, circling her clit as he started flexing his hips, meeting her downward thrusts.

She gave up on any sense of rhythm she might’ve had, just grinding down on him as his fingers continued to send her higher and higher.

He kissed her then, an all-consuming, filthy kind of kiss, just as he increased the speed of his fingers, and it sent Clarke spiraling over the edge, her moans long and drawn out as she clenched impossibly tight around him, her head thrown back in ecstasy.

By the time she regained her bearings, she realized he was still hard inside her.

She gave him a questioning look.

He gave her a devious one in return, flipping them over so she was on her back and he was settled in-between the cradle of her legs.

She smiled satiatedly up at him, running her hand through his curls.

She wasn’t sure how he’d managed to hold off, given that she’d been clenching around him like a vice, but she didn’t care, as long as she got to make him feel as good as he made her feel.

Wrapping her legs around his waist, she pulled him down for a kiss. “Come on, Bell.”

She expected him to just give a few quick thrusts, then empty himself inside her.

But really…she _knew_ him better than that…so she should’ve seen it coming when he instead leaned down, capturing her nipple in his mouth.

Her hands automatically went into his hair, holding him to her chest as he took turns alternating between a gentle rolling between his teeth and the rough abrasion of his tongue.

She immediately felt heat begin to pool in her core again, and it bumped up another notch or two as he took her nipple between his teeth and then tugged.

“Bell…” she said, not even aware she was saying it.

He pressed wet, sucking kisses up her chest and neck, again meeting her mouth.

This time, he timed the thrusts of his tongue to the thrusts of his hips, and she again got lost in it, just holding onto him for dear life as she sank further and further into the pleasure he was giving her.

He eventually broke the kiss and moved down, giving the other nipple the same attention he’d given the first, and all she could do was clench her legs more tightly around him, her head rolling from side to side on the pillow.

His hand grabbed her thigh, moving it from his side to press it against her chest, and she groaned at the new angle. He was hitting places he hadn’t before…places she didn’t think she knew existed…and _oh my God_.

She was sort of aware that she kept saying his name, but she wasn’t sure why or what she’d even follow it with if she were able.

“Bell…Bell… _Bellamy_ …”

He again reached between them, his fingers finding her clit just as his mouth latched on to a spot on her neck, just below her ear, that probably would’ve made her see stars all on its own.

He was murmuring something against her skin, something that sounded a lot like, “ _I love you_.”

She would have responded, but his hips were snapping into hers, his fingers were circling roughly over her clit, and his mouth was sucking a bruise onto her neck, and she couldn’t even see straight anymore.

That’s when he murmured, “Come on, Princess. Together.”

She immediately lost it, her mind going white with a kind of pleasure she’d never felt before. It was as if her brain left her body, all of her in a state of total bliss that she couldn’t get out of…didn’t want to get out of.

She did, however, know when he followed her over the edge, erupting in hot spurts inside her, his mouth sucking hard on her neck, and all of it just served to send her into an even deeper state of nirvana.

She felt him collapse weakly on top of her, and she wrapped all her limbs around him, holding on as tightly as she could with her Jello-like appendages, wanting to keep him there, both of them in this state of bliss for as long as possible.

She didn’t start to come out of her pleasure-induced haze until he moved, rolling off of her.

She made a low noise of disappointment in her throat, rolling on her side to stay close to him.

When her gaze met his, he smiled a bit cheekily, if exhaustedly, and said, “Told you I’d make it good for you, Princess.”

If it were anyone else…or if he wasn’t currently looking at her like she was the most precious thing in the world…she would’ve thought that was some kind of cocky brag.

But she knew it wasn’t. It was Bellamy being Bellamy…giving her the two best orgasms she’d ever had, even when she’d insisted tonight wasn’t about that.

She smiled, scooting forward to pepper his chest with kisses. “You’re good for me,” she murmured, her lips against his skin.

He huffed a laugh against the top of her head, his arms wrapping around her back to pull her close. “I love you too, Clarke.”

She would have responded...she meant to…but her body surrendered to the warmth surrounding it, falling asleep with her lips still against his chest.

 

 

 

_*I can’t count the times_

_I almost said what’s on my mind_

_But I didn’t_

_Just the other day_

_I wrote down all the things I’d say_

_But I couldn’t_

_I just couldn’t_

_Baby I know that you’ve been wondering_

_Mmm, so here goes nothing_

_In case you didn’t know_

_Baby I’m crazy bout you_

_And I would be lying if I said_

_That I could live this life without you_

_Even though I don’t tell you all the time_

_You had my heart a long long time ago_

_In case you didn’t know*_

 

* * *

 

 

She woke up to him languidly kissing her, his mouth soft on hers, his hand trailing gently up and down her bare side, just skimming over the curve of her breast on each pass.

And yeah, this was definitely how she wanted to get woken up from now on.

She smiled against his mouth, opening for him to let their tongues tangle lazily as she ran her hands over the ridiculous muscles in his arms and shoulders.

He pulled away slowly, reluctantly, and she didn’t even try to stop the frustrated whimper that escaped her.

His head fell to her shoulder resignedly. “Raven radioed. It’s almost time.”

“Uh-uh,” she complained, pulling him back up to kiss her.

He indulged her for a minute before he pulled away, but just barely, nudging her nose with his. “Come on…we’ll go do the whole take-off thing, fly through space for a few minutes, land on a deserted Ark…and then me and you will go pick a room and lock ourselves in it for the next five years.”

She grinned, leaning up to nibble at his lower lip. “Yeah?”

He nodded, his hand skimming down her thigh. “We’ll have time to do everything I wanted to do last night,” he said, his voice turning huskier. “We’ll make up for all the time we wasted.”

Her mind and body both turned to goo at the promise in his voice. She nodded, leaning up to kiss him again.

They stayed there for a moment, their lips playing, before Raven’s voice again sounded over the radio. “Bellamy! Clarke! T minus 90 minutes. Don’t make me come interrupt whatever it is you’re doing up there!”

They both paused, chuckling against each other’s lips before they finally disentangled themselves from each other, getting up and reluctantly getting dressed.

She couldn’t help but to walk up and press a soft kiss against the defined muscles in his back while he was still shirtless, but she scooted away from him before he could turn around and grab her, knowing that they’d never make it to the rocket on time if he did.

Just a few minutes later, they were both dressed and, by all outward accounts, ready to go. But they were both standing there, looking a little terrified.

He was the first to move, striding the few feet to her, his hand automatically tangling in her hair.

“Clarke…” he began.

“Bellamy…” she said at the same time.

They both chuckled a little.

“You first,” he told her.

Her hands started running haphazardly over his chest. “Just…” she shrugged, looking up at him, her eyes a little glassy with unshed tears. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he responded, catching her lips in a determined kiss.

It was all emotion and validation and even a little strength to bolster them both.

By the time they pulled apart, they were both breathing raggedly.

“Ready to go be a space princess again?” he asked, smirk playing on his face.

She rolled her eyes fondly. “But if you’re with me, what does that make you?”

She chuckled at the surprised look on his face, but it only took a moment for him to respond, “Please. I’ll always be the Rebel King.”

She smiled fondly at him, grabbing his hand and opening the door, walking toward the rocket that would take them back to the Ark.

 

* * *

 

 

_70 minutes later_

Like all of their best laid plans…this one went to hell.

A few things had gone wrong at the last minute, and Raven had sent Bellamy in one direction to help Murphy deal with the oxygen situation and then, a few minutes later, she’d sent Clarke in the other direction to deal with an antenna, which needed to be reprogrammed to repower the Ark.

Clarke had twisted her ankle while climbing up the antenna tower to enter the code for Raven, and then she’d had trouble with it, having to enter it multiple times before it took.

She was still a good mile away from the lab, and the death wave was coming, just visible over the treetops and getting closer by the second.

The countdown watch that Raven had placed on her arm was flashing with giant red zeros, and she could hear Raven on the radio she’d clipped to her backpack, telling her to get to the rocket NOW.

Raven had explained before that the rocket needed to be clear of the lower atmosphere before the death wave hit, or it would throw off their flight path, maybe even making them crash.

Clarke knew the rocket should have already left…and she knew that she’d never make it in time for them to make it out safely.

Now, in a terrifying game of cat and mouse, she was standing in the middle of an open field, the orange death wave on one side of her, slowly edging closer, and Becca’s lab on the other side, close but just a little too far out of reach.     

“Clarke!!” her radio again squawked.

She paused, grabbing it off of her backpack. “Raven,” she responded.

“Clarke! Where are you? The rocket has to launch NOW!”

Clarke nodded to no one in particular, tears starting to come to her eyes. “I know, Raven. I can’t make it back in time. You’re going to have to go without me.”

“Clarke, we can’t…”

Raven’s voice was suddenly replaced by Bellamy’s. “Clarke, what the hell are you talking about?! We’re not leaving without you!”

He sounded out-of-breath and pissed.

Honestly, Clarke was just breathing a sigh of relief that he’d made it back in time. “Bellamy…it’s okay…”

“The hell it is!” he thundered.

“Bell…I twisted my ankle. I’m still a mile away. I can’t make it there in time.”

“I’m coming to get you,” he insisted in a no-nonsense tone.

“ _No!_ ” she shouted into her radio. “Bellamy…you can’t. Raven needs to launch the rocket. I can…I can see the death wave. It’s coming. If she doesn’t launch now, you guys won’t make it. It’s fine…I can probably make it to the lab before it hits. I’ll be fine. But you guys have to go. Now.”

“Then I’m staying with you.”

Clarke lowered her head, her eyes closed as she let his love for her wash over her. “Bell…you can’t.”

“Watch me,” he insisted stubbornly.

“There’s not enough food and water for two people, Bellamy,” she reminded him softly. “If you stay, we’re both dead.”

His voice gave for the first time. “ _Clarke_ …”

“Plus…I’m a nightblood. I’ll have a much better chance than you would on the ground. I can’t let you stay, Bellamy. Besides…our friends will need you.”

“But _I need you,_ Clarke. I can’t just leave you… _I can’t._ ”

She felt the tears streaming down her cheeks as she paused for a minute in her awkward and painful shuffling, needing him to hear her. “Bellamy…I never should have let you leave the bunker with me. It was the most selfish thing I’ve ever done. I can’t let you do it again. I won’t let you die for me.”

The line was silent for a minute, but she could see the top of the hatch slide open on the silo, which meant Raven had started countdown procedures.

“How am I supposed to do this?” he asked, his voice tortured.

“Bell…I love your heart. I love it _so much_ ,” she said, her voice cracking. “But right now, I need you to use your head, okay? Please? For me?”

There was another loud silence, where she was afraid she didn’t get through to him.

“Clarke…” he sounded completely shattered and all she wanted to do was hold him. “You know my heart’s staying here with you, right?”

She smiled through her tears. “I know, Bell. That’s good…because you’re taking mine with you.”

“Get in the bunker. Promise me you’ll be okay. Promise me you’ll be here when I come back. That’s the only way I can…”

Clarke nodded, tears falling faster down her cheeks, because even though she knew this was the right thing, she was _terrified_ , but she was also so _so_ glad she knew he was going to be safe. “I promise.”

There was a crackling on the radio, as he heaved a sigh, then said softly, “Brave Princess.”

She chuckled through her tears, because _God_ , she already missed him. “I love you, Bellamy.”

“I love you too, Clarke,” he said, his voice strong and full of conviction, and Clarke loved him all the more for it.

That was what she wanted to hold onto…the man that loved her just as stubbornly as he did everything else.

She had no doubt he’d do everything in his power to come back to her as soon as he could.

Clarke again pressed the button on the radio, ready to tell him that they would meet again, but all she encountered was static and interference, and when she looked up, she saw why.

The rocket had launched, just leaving the silo.

Her eyes followed it for a moment, praying with everything she had in her that they made it safely to the Ark.

“ _We’ll always meet again_ ,” she whispered to the sky, nodding as if she could hear him repeat the words…because she knew, in her heart, that he was.

She watched it until it was just a speck in the sky, then turned to look at the wave, which had gained ground on her.

She tugged her backpack more firmly on her back, squared her shoulders, and started jogging for the door to the lab. Her ankle hurt like a son of a bitch, but she was determined, now more than ever, to reach safety in time.

Bellamy had kept his promise to her…and she was going to keep hers to him.

 

 

 

_*All of the things that I’ve been feeling_

_Mmm, it’s time you hear em_

_In case you didn’t know_

_Baby I’m crazy bout you_

_And I would be lying if I said_

_That I could live this life without you_

_Even though I don’t tell you all the time_

_You had my heart a long long time ago_

_In case you didn’t know*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Did I break your heart? Cause I broke my own writing it.
> 
> Song is "In Case You Didn't Know," by Brett Young, which is also where the fic title comes from.
> 
> I kept hearing it and couldn't get the thought out of my head that it's exactly what Bellamy would say to Clarke, were he ever given the opportunity, so...here we are.
> 
> There's at least one, possibly two, more chapters and I'm still trying to get them posted before the finale. (Crosses fingers and kicks self in the ass.)


	5. Chapter 5

_Bellamy_

_Almost four years later_

Bellamy barely waited for the rocket to land, not so smoothly, before his hands were already fumbling with the latch of his seat-belt.

He cursed it, his trembling hands not able to unclip it as quickly as he would have liked.

From the seat beside him, Raven let out a slow sigh of relief that they were all safely back on the ground in one piece, then placed a hand on his arm, turning to look at him. “I know you’re anxious, but you need to breathe.”

He shook his head in frustration. “I have to get to her, I have to…”

Raven gave him a slightly frustrated, slightly sympathetic look. “I know, Bellamy. But you won’t do her any good if you hurt yourself on the way. We have to see where we landed and test the radiation levels in the air. And we don’t know what’s out there…if the Grounders have opened the bunker yet or if any people or animals have mutated…”

Bellamy leveled her with a side eye she really should’ve been proud of.

She chuckled, unbuckling her seat-belt and standing gingerly, her legs still a little rubbery underneath her. “Okay, listen. You stay here long enough to let me find out where we are and check the radiation levels. If everything is okay, you can go ahead while the rest of us deal with unloading everything, okay?”

Murphy grumbled a little, but only a little, and Bellamy was pretty sure it was Raven’s glare that shut him up, not his.

Bellamy nodded, although not happily, and couldn’t help but think back to the last time he’d landed on Earth and been eager to open the door.

That time, a tiny blond spitfire had yelled at him about the possibility of the air being toxic and he’d flippantly replied that, if it was, they were all dead anyway.

The memory simultaneously brought a smile to his face and made him sober, because back then…maybe he didn’t really care about his fate, as long as his sister was okay.

But now? That same little blonde spitfire was down here…waiting for him, and he’d do everything humanly possible to get back to her…which included not breathing in toxic air if he could help it.

So, he finally unbuckled his seat-belt, then waited not so patiently while Raven pressed some buttons on the on-board computer.

“Okay…it looks like we landed just a little off-course,” Raven murmured, her eyes studying the GPS screen.

Bellamy let out an angry huff.

She turned an impressive glare over her shoulder. “Becca’s lab should only be around three or four miles to the North.”

Bellamy nodded, immediately calculating how long it would take him to get there. He’d led a more sedentary lifestyle on the Ark, so he wasn’t used to long hikes anymore, but he’d get there in less than an hour, even if it killed him.

Raven walked around Harper, who was still clasping Monty’s hand tightly, to go to another panel on the wall. Her face took on an immediate frown as the gears in her head were obviously turning.

“What is it?” Bellamy asked harshly, not in the mood for something else to keep him away from Clarke for a second longer than necessary.

“The radiation is still a little high,” Raven answered.

“…how high?” he asked, arms folded across his chest.

“It probably wouldn’t be good for prolonged exposure, but it should be okay in small doses, especially since we were just up in space again, which should’ve increased our tolerance.”

All Bellamy heard was, “So you’re saying I can go outside…without a suit.”

Raven snorted. “Yeah, Bellamy. That’s what I’m saying.”

He turned, about to head for the door, when Raven grabbed his arm. “Wait…take this,” she said, handing him a small canister of oxygen, along with a face mask.

He raised an eyebrow in question.

“The radiation and the changes in the atmosphere could’ve left heavy smog in the air…you might have trouble breathing, especially if you’re running through the woods like a madman.”

He nodded, knowing that was exactly his plan.

He again headed for the door, only stopping to look at Echo and Emori, who were still sitting beside each other in their seats and sort of glaring at everything around them.

Sometime after they’d made it to the Ark, the two of them had started bonding over their cultures and just how much they detested technology and everything associated with it, even though it was what was currently keeping them alive.

They’d secluded themselves more and more, gotten more hostile every time they were forced to interact with anyone but each other, and pretty much made it well known that they wanted to be left alone.

Murphy had been hurt at first, not understanding how the girl he’d staked his entire life on could turn her back on him at a moment’s notice.

Late one night, he’d tried to make excuses for her to Bellamy, insisting that it was hard to even know what loyalty was when you’d grown up like they had.

Bellamy had reminded Murphy that he’d had no problem declaring his loyalty to Emori…so maybe he just needed to find someone worthy…someone who’d show him the same kind of loyalty in return.

Murphy had considered his words before finally nodding and making his way to his room.

A few months after that, Bellamy had been wandering the halls late at night, as was his custom, and he’d spotted Murphy sneaking out of Raven’s room in the middle of the night.

He’d leveled the other man with a stare, telling him, “Don’t be a douchebag. She’s already had enough of those.”

“…I’m not,” Murphy had promised.

They still weren’t exactly public about their…whatever it was…but Bellamy noticed that they both seemed happier, and they leaned on each other, which is all anyone could really ask for.

As far as Emori and Echo went…Bellamy wasn’t sure if there was some sort of romance going on there or not…honestly, he didn’t want to know. What he was far more concerned about was the way they’d been secluding themselves, speaking in Trigedasleng in hushed tones and then immediately quieting when anyone else had gotten too close. Their secrecy had increased in the past few weeks, after Raven and Monty had declared that the Earth would be safe soon.

Bellamy and Murphy had taken extra care to keep their guards up, worried that the girls would try to sabotage the rocket…or even steal it.

Now, Bellamy wondered if they had some sort of nefarious plan that didn’t kick into gear until after they’d landed.

He locked his jaw, trying to decide if he should do something about the situation before he left, all while his entire body felt a physical pull to head out the doors.

Harper, always one of his favorite and most trusted guards, and now, one of his best friends, seemed to read him. She tugged her rifle up higher against her chest, then nodded at Monty, who was similarly outfitted, and Murphy, who had a handgun. “We’re good, Bellamy. Go get her,” she nudged with a smile.

Bellamy nodded his thanks, walking to the door, shouldering his rifle, just in case, and pulling the lever.

He held up his hand, blinking through the sunshine and trying to see what was outside.

A few seconds later, his eyes adjusted, and he caught his first glimpse of Becca’s Island.

Everything looked very similar…and yet a little different. A lot of the vegetation was clearly on the newer side, the forest not nearly as lush as before, and the sky was still a little hazy, but at least it was blue, unlike the terrifying orange it had been when they’d left.

He took a hesitant step outside, glancing around and taking a careful breath, trying to see if the radiation was evident in the air.

“Okay?” Raven asked, sticking her head out the door.

“I think so,” he replied.

She nodded. “Go. We got this.” She looked around, obviously reconciling their location with whatever she’d seen on the GPS screen. “Head that way, to the beach. When you hit the water, go North for three or four miles, and you should see the docks. You know the way from there.”

Bellamy gave her a nod of thanks, although his face must have betrayed some of his anxiety, because Raven gave him a reassuring smile. “Don’t forget…she’s just as stubborn as you are.”

This time, a smile tinged with the slightest hint of hope crossed his face.

He took off at a fast walk through the woods, eager to get to her, but uncertain of his surroundings and finding it more than a little weird to be walking on something other than metal.

After just a few minutes, he broke through the trees, ending up on the beach.

He turned to head North, at least feeling better about his ability to get to her now that he was following the water. It had been a long time since he’d used any of those earth skills he’d learned.

He picked his pace up to a jog, the open beach much easier to move quickly on.

His mind went back to what Raven had said just before he’d left…about Clarke being just as stubborn as he was.

She was reminding him of one of their many conversations on the Ark, this one just a few months after they’d arrived.

He’d been having a bit of a meltdown, his constant guilt over leaving Clarke weighing heavily on him, especially when it was combined with all the worrying he was doing.

_“Raven, I can’t believe I just…_ left her _.”_

_“Bellamy…you had to. I didn’t like leaving her either, but there was really no other…”_

_“She’s all alone down there! And she’s going to be alone for the next_ five years _!” He’d run his hand through his hair, pacing back and forth in the common room. “I promised that I’d love her…protect her…I’d do anything to keep her safe…and what do I do? I_ left her alone on an uninhabitable planet _.”_

_Raven had eyed him oddly. “Did you two take marriage vows or something? How come I wasn’t invited?”_

_That had snapped Bellamy out of his meltdown for a moment. “What?”_

_“You know…love, honor, protect…”_

_He’d shaken his head, finally realizing how that had sounded. “I…no.”_

_Raven had been watching him closely. “Who did you promise that to? Clarke?”_

_His face had turned even more forlorn. “No. I…meant to. Or…I thought I had…but I don’t know that I ever got around to saying it to her.”_

_She’d given him a sympathetic look. “She knows, Bellamy.”_

_“What does it matter now? I broke those promises anyway!”_

_Raven’s look had gone from sympathetic to no-nonsense. “Did you or did you not leave the bunker with her when you thought it meant you were going to die?”_

_He’d just stood there, watching her, his gaze almost begging her to give him something he could use to get through this._

_“You’re an_ idiot _,” she’d told him. “But no one could doubt that you’d give up your life for hers, Bellamy.”_

_He’d shaken his head. “But I…”_

_She’d interrupted him. “I know. You left. Don’t forget, I was standing beside you when you were talking to her on the radio. You were determined to jump outside again to stay with her, even though the death wave was literally closing in on us. It wasn’t until she reminded you that you staying would kill you both that you even thought about not running to be with her.”_

_“I should have,” he insisted. “I should have traded places with her.”_

_She’d leveled him with an exasperated look. “There was no way to do that, and you know it. Don’t be morons and do the whole Romeo and Juliet thing.”_

_He’d just raised an eyebrow._

_“She can’t stand the thought of you dead any more than you can stand the thought of her dead…or alone for five years…so don’t act like she’d be happier trading places with you.”_

_He’d deflated a little at that, sitting in the chair beside her. “_ Five years _, Raven. How is she going to handle being alone, trapped in a bunker for that long? How…”_

_She’d placed a comforting hand on his arm. “Listen…I’m sure it’s going to suck, okay? But she’ll be fine, Bellamy. There is literally no one more stubborn than Clarke Griffin…except maybe you and me. And if I know her at all…which I do, she is literally spending all her time worried about you. It’s what she’s always done best. That’ll get her through the next few years,” she’d insisted. “Plus…we don’t know that it will be five years. That was an estimate. We’ll check the radiation levels all the time. It might be safe to go back sooner.”_

Bellamy paused on the beach, stopping to use the oxygen for a minute, the abrupt change in environment and the less than ideal air getting to him.

When his head finally stopped spinning, he again headed for the mansion, thinking about how much Raven…how much all of his friends had gotten him through the last four years.

By far, his favorite had been the stories they’d told him that he’d never heard before…the ones about how obvious it had been to everyone that Clarke was in love with him.

Raven had described his first radio call from Mount Weather…and Clarke’s tears…with great detail.

Monty had told him how she’d watched for him, terrified that something had been wrong when he’d been kidnapped by Ice Nation.

The others had all eventually given him a story or two about how obvious she was with her affections and her worry, back when he had no idea, and it made his heart feel lighter, knowing that she had, in fact, been in love with him for practically as long as he’d been in love with her.

Of course, those feelings of validation and joy only lasted for a few minutes, and then he’d start to think about how she didn’t have anyone on Earth with her, to tell her about all the times he’d lost his mind over her safety when she wasn’t around.

That’s why he’d started the letter collection he was currently carrying in his backpack.

Almost every day, after he’d gone back to the privacy of his room, he wrote her _something_.

All the days were crammed together on the pages, more like journal entries than actual letters because he definitely didn’t have enough paper for that, or room to carry them all back to the ground.

Sometimes, it was just one line…more often than not, ‘ _I love you’_ or _‘I miss you.’_

Sometimes, it was _‘I’m sorry.’_

Other times, he told her about his day. He described what it was like, being back in space, in case she ever got curious about what she’d missed.

Occasionally, Murphy would let loose something so sarcastic…something so _Murphy_ , he’d have to write it down for her.

But his favorites…the ones he wanted her to read most…they usually happened after one of his friends had given him a _‘here’s a time Clarke lost her mind over you’_ story.

Because he’d end up going back to his room and spilling his soul.

He told her how terrified he’d been when she’d been in Mount Weather…how he’d never stopped searching for her. He told her how sad he’d been when she left after they’d freed their people from the mountain…how he’d blamed himself for not taking enough of her burden from her. He’d told her how frantic he was to get to her when she’d been kidnapped, and then again when Echo had convinced him she was in danger in Polis.

He also told her about Gina…how lovely and sweet she’d been…and how guilty he always felt, because he knew he’d been using her…using her to try to fill a place in his broken heart that only one person could ever fill.

And, sometimes, what he wrote embarrassed him. He didn’t like admitting his guilt…or telling her just how embarrassingly transparent he’d been over her.

But then, he’d think about how she was all alone, and how, no matter if it had been the right decision or not, it was partially his fault she was there, and he’d spill more of his soul, trying to give her everything he could.

It didn’t matter if she wouldn’t get to read the notes until later, after they were all back together.

It was the point.

She deserved _everything_.

He waited until he got to the next curve in the beach, figuring he probably only had a mile or so left, before he again paused to use the oxygen canister.

As he did, he thought about how many times he’d tried to radio over the years.

At first, Raven had told him the radiation clouds were blocking the signals, making communication impossible.

Since the giant orange storms were visible, even from space, Bellamy had believed her, although that hadn’t stopped him from trying.

After a year or two, the storms had calmed, and he’d been hopeful he’d be able to get through…but he still didn’t have any luck.

Raven had been a little more uncertain about the cause that time, but she’d guessed that the constant storms had destroyed the antenna towers that would be necessary to communicate with the ground.

Again, Bellamy had believed her…but that hadn’t stopped him from trying.

Bellamy still had his walkie-talkie in his back-pack…and it should work now, if Clarke still had hers…but he was so _so_ close to seeing her, he didn’t really want to use it.

He wanted to see her face…hell, he wanted to hold her in his arms when he heard her voice again for the first time.

That’s the thought that gave him the strength to keep going, even when his lungs were on fire and his calves were cramping.

He _finally_ got to the docks, only to find most of the wood destroyed.

The boat, however, looked to be in decent condition, which gave him a bit of hope.

From there, he headed inland, trying to remember exactly how to get to Becca’s lab. He’d only made this trip once, and it had been while wearing a radiation suit and fearing for his life, so he wasn’t exactly an expert. It also didn’t help that the landscape around him had changed somewhat.

After what felt like an eternity, but was probably only a few minutes, he came across the door to the lab, which still looked as sturdy as ever.

He breathed a sigh of relief, his heart beating in triple time as he walked closer, knowing he was only seconds away from seeing her again.

He hoped, beyond hope, that she was okay. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle it if she wasn’t.

His hand raised, fist shaking as he knocked on the door, presuming it would be locked and also not wanting to terrify her…or get shot.

He waited, his breath trapped in his throat.

…but there was no answer.

He tried again, knocking harder this time, as he looked up at the camera, which connected to a screen in the lab.

“Clarke?”

After no response again, he grabbed the latch, pulling and finding it open.

His brow furrowed in confusion…and anxiety…he walked inside.

“Clarke?” he again called out.

He quickly made his way down the stairs, his eyes scanning every corner of the room for her…and finding nothing.

It looked much the same as it had the last time he’d been in it, although there was definite evidence of her presence after that, including a drawing of a landscape taped to the wall, so he at least knew that she’d survived the original death wave.

“Clarke! Are you here?” he asked, jogging to the offices in the back.

Again, he found evidence of her, including the bed that looked like it had been used not too long ago…but no Clarke.

Frustrated…imagining all kinds of scenarios where she’d survived all this time…only to succumb to some sort of illness or injury just before he made it back to her…he kicked the table leg in front of him, swearing like a sailor.

He made his way back out into the lab, taking a closer look around as he tried to decide whether to use his walkie-talkie or not.

That’s when he noticed a piece of paper taped on the back of one of the computer monitors.

It read, ‘Becca’s Mansion’ and underneath, a date that was only a few months ago.

He breathed a sigh of relief, grabbing his gear and running up the steps and out the door as fast as his legs would carry him.     

He jogged through the woods, the short distance between the lab and the mansion seeming indescribably huge.

He finally made it to the mansion, his eyes skimming over it quickly. The exterior wasn’t quite as pristine as before, there was definitely discoloration and some damage, but it looked to still be structurally sound.

Jogging up the steps, he felt a sense of déjà vu as he again raised his hand to knock…

…and got no answer.

“Screw it,” he muttered, pushing the door open.

The cavernous interior took him by surprise, just like the last time he’d been here, and he faltered a little, not sure where to go…until he heard what sounded like…music.

He followed the sound toward the back of the house, walking through a doorway into a combined living room/kitchen area.

…and he saw her.

His eyes laser-focused on the back of a blonde head of hair that he’d recognize anywhere.

His entire body froze, his lungs not quite working as he just let his eyes roam over her, even though all he could see was her back.

It was the most he’d seen of her in almost four years, and it was… _a lot_.

She was sitting at the dining room table, her back to him, a piece of paper propped up on some sort of makeshift easel on the table as she sketched on it with a pencil.

He couldn’t tell for sure, but it looked like she was drawing the drop ship and their old camp.

He paused there for a moment, sort of at a loss.

She was _here_. She was _safe_. She could be in his arms in around three seconds flat, but the magnitude of it all started to hit him.

It had been almost _four years_.

What if she didn’t love him anymore?

What if she hated him for leaving her?

He shook himself out of his internal dialogue, deciding he wouldn’t wait any longer to get her in his arms.

He pressed the button on the stereo, turning off the cheerful classical music that was playing.

Her head whipped around, gaze heading for the stereo…and instead landing on him.

Her eyes widened, tears springing to them immediately as her hand covered her mouth in disbelief.

As if in a trance, she got up from her chair, knocking her easel and drawing over in her haste, but she didn’t even seem to notice.

“Is it…” she started, her voice trembling. “Is it really you? Are you really here?”

He wasn’t really sure what to say, the significance of it all hitting him again. “I…Yeah, Clarke. It’s me.”

The words weren’t even out of his mouth before she was running to him, so similarly to how she had the first time she’d ever hugged him, and before he could blink, he had a whirlwind of blonde curls in his arms.

Her entire body was pressed tightly against his, her arms wrapped around the back of his neck and almost clawing at him in her desperation to get even closer.

He could understand the urge.

He wrapped his arms even tighter around her, burying his face in her hair, just breathing her in.

He’d tried to keep her alive in his memory…tried to remember everything…how she felt against him, how her hair smelled, the way her lips pressed into his neck as she hugged him for all she was worth…the way it made him feel when she acted like she couldn’t physically get close enough to him…the complete sense of peace he felt when she was in his arms.

He’d imagined all of it so many times…but it couldn’t compare to the real thing, not in the slightest.

His heart didn’t quite remember what it felt like to be this happy.

He gripped her even tighter, lifting her slightly off her feet, relishing the feeling of her body completely against his.

“ _Princess,_ ” he whispered brokenly.

She made a noise against his neck, something between a whimper and a chuckle, and, as much as he hated the thought of letting her go, he suddenly had to see her face.

He set her down gently, pulling back just a few inches and cupping her face in his hands, his thumbs running shakily over her cheeks as his gaze flitted over her, trying to take in everything at once.

“Are you okay??” he asked, still trying to check.

She nodded, tears falling down her cheeks while a blinding smile lit up her entire face.

Her hands grabbed onto his wrists. “ _Bellamy_ ,” she whispered, her head tilting as she stared at him like he was the best thing she’d ever seen.

Before he knew it, their lips met.

It wasn’t their finest kiss—all he could taste was the salt from their tears and it seemed like all their lips were doing was clinging to each other in desperation…and it was perfect.

They finally pulled apart to breathe, and Bellamy took the opportunity to say what was weighing so heavily on him. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

She looked up at him, seeing the anguish in his eyes, and she pulled his forehead down to rest against hers. “Bellamy…no. Don’t say that. Don’t do that.”

“I never should’ve left you,” he insisted.

“You had to,” she insisted right back.

He shook his head, a look of desperation on his face as he willingly looked away from her for the first time. “Clarke…I’ll never forgive myself. I can’t believe I…”

She grabbed his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. “Bellamy…you did what you had to do to keep us both alive. You don’t need to forgive yourself…” she paused. “And you don’t need me to forgive you either. There’s nothing to forgive, I promise. I don’t blame you. I never have.”

His eyes searched hers frantically. “How can you not? _Four years_ , Clarke. I don’t know how you did it. I should’ve been here with you.”

She smiled sadly at him. “I wish you could’ve been,” she admitted, stroking the side of his face. “Parts of it sucked, okay? But it’s over. You’re back. That’s what gave me the courage to get through it…knowing you’d come back for me as soon as you possibly could.”

He still looked like he didn’t quite believe her.

She made a noise of disapproval in her throat. “Stop. Can you just…”

“Anything,” he promised.

She didn’t give voice to it, instead just stepping into his arms, again clutching tightly to him.

He held her cradled against his chest and, after a moment, he felt a sigh leave her body, and she melted even further into him.

They stayed there for a few moments, just breathing each other in, before she seemed to realize something.

“Where are the others?” she asked in a rush, pulling back just slightly to look at him with wide eyes. “Raven…Monty…”

“They’re fine,” he assured her, running a hand up and down her arm. “We all came down on the rocket, but it landed a few miles down the beach. They’re dealing with the equipment and everything. I…couldn’t wait. I had to get to you.”

She again gave him that look…one that he swore was a kind of love he’d never known before he met her. “I missed you, Bellamy. So much.”

“ _God_ , Clarke. I missed you, too.”

This time, they managed to kiss fairly normally, lips moving against each other in a rhythm that shouldn’t have worked so effortlessly after four years apart, especially not after only one night of practice all those years ago…but it did…because they’d always been in-sync with each other.

Except, this kiss was filled with so much love…and so much pure _joy_ …it made him a little light-headed.

She deepened the kiss, and he let himself drown in the taste of her…a taste he wondered if he’d imagined in the first place, because there was no way real life could be like this.

…except she swiped her tongue against his, and it sent a shock all the way to his toes, which reminded him that this was very real.

They kept trying to get closer and closer, their mouths tangling as their hands roamed-hers over his arms, back, and through his hair, and his along her back, sides, and even her hips. They weren’t trying to escalate the kiss…it was more about just reacquainting themselves with as much of each other as possible…or maybe it was about needing physical proof that the other person was really there.

Eventually, they reluctantly broke the kiss, both of them placing kisses along each other’s cheeks and neck as they again curled around each other, holding on tight.

Bellamy had the vague thought that he should lead her to the couch, which was just on the other side of the room, but he was so content, standing here with her in his arms, he couldn’t even bring himself to move that far.

He had so many questions to ask her…he had so many things to tell her…and so many more apologies he needed to give her…but this was everything he’d dreamed about for the past four years…everything in the world he wanted, and he let himself enjoy it.  

One of his hands tangled in her hair, feeling the soft waves beneath his fingertips, and the other hand ran soothingly up and down her spine.

He lost himself to the sound of their breathing, the motion of his hand, and the rhythm of their heartbeats, which seemed to have synced.

That’s why he was so surprised when he was jolted out of his daze by another voice coming from the direction of the doorway…one he definitely didn’t recognize and was certainly not expecting.

“Mommy?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, yes. I did. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know, I'm late posting the end of this, but.........THAT FINALE KILLED ME, Y'ALL.
> 
> And then, writing this killed me some more.
> 
> Seriously. Dead dead dead.
> 
> ....happy reading?

_Clarke_

Clarke felt Bellamy freeze against her, his entire body tensing as he heard the little boy’s voice.

She sucked in a breath, all at once terrified and overjoyed about what was about to happen. It was something she’d dreamed of for so long…and also something she wasn’t sure how to go about.

She felt Bellamy pull away from her, his head slowly turning toward the doorway and landing on the toddler standing there uncertainly.

She watched Bellamy’s eyes widen, confusion and shock battling for control of his expression.

Disentangling herself from his arms, she took a few steps toward the toddler, then knelt down. “Come here, little man,” she encouraged.

He ran into her arms, burying his face in her hair in a move that had always felt so familiar, but she was never sure why. Now, having just been in Bellamy’s arms, she knew why, and it made her want to cry.

Bellamy was watching both of them, a thousand different emotions flitting across his face. “Clarke…” he croaked, his voice terrified.

She rubbed the little boy’s back. “Can you turn around for me?” she asked him quietly.

He clenched her shirt tighter in his fist, but slowly pulled his head away from her neck and looked at the man standing in front of them warily.

“I’m…sorry,” she told Bellamy. “He’s…he’s never seen anyone except me.”

Bellamy had been looking back and forth between them, but then his gaze seemed to laser focus on the child in her arms, no doubt taking in his black curls, piercing blue eyes, and copious amounts of freckles.  

Clarke just watched Bellamy, cataloguing every emotion that passed over his face, her hand still rubbing soothing circles over the little boy’s back.

She’d waited so _so_ long for this.

Her eyes started welling, her emotions about this moment too much for her to handle.

She opened her mouth, prepared to make the most important introduction she’d ever made in her life…when her son beat her to it.

“Daddy?” he asked questioningly, looking at Bellamy.

Clarke’s eyes closed, a choked laugh escaping. She couldn’t stop the tears that trailed down her cheeks.

“Yeah, baby. That’s your Daddy,” she whispered, looking back and forth between her son and his father, her heart swelling at just how much they looked alike.

They were even giving each other similar looks at the moment, both in awe of the other, although Bellamy also looked like his heart was being ripped out of his chest.

Bellamy tore his gaze away from his son, tears in his eyes as he looked at her for confirmation.

She nodded shakily. “Bellamy…this is JJ,” she told him, her voice cracking. “…your son.”

He closed his eyes, his head tilting forward and tears falling down his face.

When he looked back up at them again, he reached a hand forward, as if to touch his son, but the boy immediately turned his head, again burying it in Clarke’s neck.   

Clarke opened her mouth to apologize, but Bellamy shook his head. “It’s okay. I…”

She smiled softly at him, holding a hand out.

When he took it, she pulled him in.

He wrapped himself around both of them, his head falling to her hair on the opposite side.

Clarke stood there, unable to stop the tears of pure joy that fell, her heart nearly bursting with how much love she felt for the two boys in her arms.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke held Bellamy’s hand tightly, just enjoying how close they were to each other for the first time in so long.

They were sitting on the couch, half wrapped around each other, watching their son play with an odd assortment of blocks, miniature construction equipment, and miniature cooking utensils on the floor in front of them.

Clarke couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this happy.

“How…?” he asked her quietly, still watching him.

She smiled, shrugging. “I don’t know for sure. I still had an implant that night we were…together. But I assume it was either the nightblood or the exposure to radiation…whatever it was…it clearly didn’t work.”

He nodded absently, still unable to take his eyes off their child. “JJ? After your dad?”

She paused, biting her lip. “Uh…his middle name is Jake…well, Jacob,” she confirmed.

He finally turned to look at her. “What’s his first name?”

She paused a minute, gathering a bit of courage. “Jasper,” she practically whispered.

He tilted his head, his eyes immediately glistening with unshed tears.

He took a moment to absorb what she’d just told him, again glancing at his son before he looked back at her. “It’s perfect,” he finally said.

She nodded, some great wave of relief sweeping through her that he was happy with the choice she’d made on both their behalves. “Jake was my first instinct. And then I thought about Wells too, but I…” she wiped away a tear, her hand on her cheek as she watched the child on the floor in front of her. “…I couldn’t get the thought out of my head that he’d been created just after Jasper died and I…” she shrugged, looking at him helplessly.

He pulled her close, wrapping her in a hug. “It’s perfect, Clarke,” he repeated. “He would’ve…” he paused when his voice caught. “…he would’ve loved him.”

The subject of their discussion suddenly stood up, holding up a teddy bear. “Can I go play Dropship, Mommy?”

She nodded. “We’ll come in in a bit and play with you, okay?”

JJ nodded, casting a curious but still wary glance at Bellamy before he toddled out of the room.

She turned to meet Bellamy’s gaze when she felt it land on her.

“Dropship?” he asked.

She laughed. “I’ve told him…watered down, kid-friendly versions of things. His current favorite game is to make all his teddy bears create a society around the ‘Dropship’…which is the biggest pot from the kitchen.”

Bellamy chuckled at that, but after a moment, his face sobered. “Clarke…I’m so sorry.”

She furrowed her brow. “For what?”

“I never would have…” he sighed. “How did you do this all alone? The pregnancy…my God, the birth…” he hung his head, guilt washing off of him in waves.

She grabbed his shoulder, turning him toward her. “Bellamy…”

“At least my mom had me. You had _no one_. I can’t even…” he shook his head, self-loathing clear in both his expression and his tone.

“I’m not going to lie…the birth was terrible…but I got through it,” she told him, her hand gripping his arm tightly. “It was a few hours of torture…and it gave me the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

He was watching her closely, looking like he didn’t quite believe her.

“Bellamy…” she asked quietly. “Do you…do you wish I hadn’t…” she couldn’t even finish the sentence, her voice cracking at the thought.

“No!” he answered immediately. “No. I…” he ran his hand over his forehead. “God, Clarke. I already love him so much.”

Her chest immediately loosened, although she’d never really had any doubts. She’d known, from the moment she found out she was pregnant, that Bellamy would be the best father she could’ve asked for. She’d only started to question his reaction when he seemed so upset.

“I just…I can’t believe I did to him…and to you…what some bastard did to my mom and Octavia. If I’d have just kept it in my pants…”

She tightened her grip on him. “Stop it,” she commanded.  “This is nothing like that. You didn’t leave because you wanted to. I know you would have given anything to be here for both of us.”

“I would have,” he promised. “God, I wish…”

“I know,” she interrupted. “I know that, and I’ve always told JJ that. He doesn’t hate you, Bellamy. He’s just a little freaked out right now.”

Bellamy nodded absently, zoning out a little as he dealt with all his thoughts. After a minute, he turned back to her. “How did he know who I was?”

She couldn’t help the shy smile that appeared on her face. “I…drew you.”

He looked at her questioningly.

She got up, heading over to the dining room table, which was covered in four or five drawings, all at different stages of completion. She grabbed the one she wanted, then sat back down on the couch, handing it to him.

She watched as he ran his gaze over it. “It’s…not finished, obviously.” It was really just a basic pencil outline of his most prominent features. She had others that were much more detailed, but this one had been the most accessible at the moment. “I have more…probably dozens of them,” she admitted, a slight flush working its way to her cheeks.

He seemed to be at a loss for words. “I…How…?”

She shrugged, staring at the toys JJ had left on the floor, zoning out as she thought about those early days. “At first…I drew you because you were pretty much all I thought about. Then…a few months passed…and I started getting really scared that I was going to forget what you looked like,” she admitted, voice cracking. “So, I tried to commit every detail to paper…the cleft in your chin…the scar above your lip…” she reached out a shaky hand, running her fingers lightly over it. “…your freckles. You have a lot of goddamn freckles, you know?” she chuckled, even though her eyes were bright with unshed tears.

He chuckled with her, then pulled her hand closer, kissing her palm. “I know.”

He’d done the same thing four years ago, and it made her heart clench both times. “Then…after I had the baby…I realized that he’d grow up not knowing you. I mean, I could tell him about you. I did that when he was still inside me…talked to him about you.”

An agonized look passed over Bellamy’s face, and Clarke moved her hand to his neck, thumb rubbing his cheek.

“And I kept doing it once he was born. I told him everything about you, Bellamy. But I realized that you’d come back for us one day, and he’d have no idea who you were, and I _hated_ that.” She sucked in a breath, remembering the heartbreak she’d felt that day, after she’d come to that realization. She was feeling a similar pang now.

“I started drawing him pictures of you, and I showed them to him every day, even when he was an infant. I wanted…” she paused, searching for the right words. “I wanted you to be as real to him as I was.”

Bellamy was shaking his head in disbelief, his face a wreck. “Clarke…I don’t even know what to say. I don’t know how to thank you for doing that…”

She shook her head, looking at him with some mixture of exasperation and fondness. “You don’t have to _thank me_. He deserved to know you. You deserved to be a part of his life. You’re his dad, Bellamy.”

He tangled his hand in her hair, looking at her with so much adoration it was blinding. “I love you. So much.”

She closed her eyes, letting the sound of those words wash over her and start to heal the damaged parts of her soul. “I love you too,” she replied, leaning in to kiss him.

They stayed there for a moment, foreheads touching, before he finally leaned back a little, giving her a hesitant look.

She smiled. “You want to go see him?”

“Yeah. I mean…part of me wants to stay here and kiss you for the next 17 hours or so…but I think I really want to hold your hand while we play Dropship with…our son.”

He hesitated a little, tripping over the last two words as he said them for the first time, and it made Clarke want to kiss him again, so she did, albeit quickly.

“I…need to say something first,” she told him.

He raised his eyebrows expectantly.

“It’s about JJ…the night he was conceived…your guilt…all of it.”

“Okay,” he agreed, taking a deep breath, as if to steel himself for whatever she was going to say.

“That night we were together…it was the best night of my life. We’d always been so…connected, so…important to each other… I’d thought…or at least I’d hoped…that maybe you…felt that way about me.”

“Clarke…I did. I always have.”

She smiled, clutching his hand in hers. “I know. But that night…knowing for sure that we felt the same way…knowing how much you loved me…” she looked up, trying to blink back tears. “I’ve never felt safer or more at peace or more…cherished…than I did that night. And you gave me the greatest gift anyone has ever given me, Bellamy: that beautiful little boy. And every time I saw him…he reminded me of how much you loved me. He reminded me that I wasn’t alone. I had him…and I had you, even if you weren’t physically with me.”

He was just staring at her in awe.

“When I first found out I was pregnant…I should have…terminated,” she said, whispering the word. It seemed like such a cruel thing to say about the child she loved more than her own life, but she needed Bellamy to understand. “I was all alone…no one to help me with the delivery…and I wasn’t even sure if _I_ could survive. There wasn’t even enough food for me for five years, plus the radiation outside, and the radiation I’d already been exposed to…” she sighed, remembering how she’d had to consider all of these factors back then. “I wasn’t sure that it would even be a viable pregnancy, let alone that he could survive once he was born.”

Bellamy tightened his grip on her hand, watching her sympathetically.

“From a medical standpoint…I probably should have. But I couldn’t do it. I _wanted_ him. I’m not going to lie, the prospect of having another human being around…even if it was a baby…was tempting. But mostly…I couldn’t do it because…” she bit on the inside of her cheek, trying to keep herself from losing it completely. “He was all of you that I had left.”

She heard his sharp intake of breath, and then he was pulling her into his arms, his lips pressing kisses into her hair. “How many times can I tell you I love you before it starts getting repetitive?” he mumbled.

She chuckled against his shoulder. “We’ve got four years to make up for, Bellamy,” she reminded him.

He proceeded to press gentle kisses all over her face—her forehead, her temples, her nose, her cheeks, and finally her lips. There must have been dozens of them, and he whispered an emotionally fraught “ _I love you_ ,” in between each one.

She kept her eyes closed, letting his words and his kisses consume her, the stark contrast between four years of not having him and now, having him so completely, making it even more heart-shattering.

His lips finally stayed on hers for more than a heartbeat, and she gratefully gave in to the kiss, trying to pour all of her own love into it to show him he wasn’t alone in his feelings.

He finally sighed, moving to nuzzle her temple.

She enjoyed his closeness for a minute longer before she said quietly, “Dropship?”

It took him a moment, but he nodded. “Dropship.”

He stood up, offering her his hand.

She took it, allowing him to pull her up, and they kept their hands clasped as they started to walk to the doorway.

“I hope this version is a lot less…violent…than ours was,” he muttered wryly.

She chuckled, leaning her face against his upper arm. “It is,” she promised.

They’d just gotten to the hallway when they heard some kind of commotion at the front door.

Clarke sucked in a breath, her first thought being that something had happened to JJ, since he was the only other person she was used to now, but Bellamy quickly reminded her that it was probably their friends, arriving from the rocket.

They sped up, heading for the front entrance, and when they got there, Clarke couldn’t contain her enormous sigh of relief to see all of her friends, looking exhausted and sweaty, and maybe a few years older, but otherwise none the worse for wear.

They were standing in the front entryway, looking around, the door still hanging open behind them.

“Close the door!” Clarke insisted, the minute she spotted it.

All of their gazes locked on her, and they all seemed to break out into similar smiles of relief.

Murphy immediately moved to shut the door, muttering something under his breath about how, “Princess hasn’t changed, I see. Still giving orders,” but he shut the door and turned back, smirk still on his face.

Clarke’s eyes locked with Raven’s first, and the two girls sort of flung themselves at each other, hugging tightly.

“God, I missed you being a pain in my ass,” Raven said, tears choking her words.

Clarke laughed through her own tears, finally pulling away to look at the brunette. “I missed you too, Raven.”

They held each other’s arms for a second, their care and concern for each other evident in their silent communication.

They’d once been adversaries of a sort, but they’d also experienced a very similar loss together and come out on the other side, and it bonded them in a way that neither of them had with anyone else.

Clarke moved to Monty next, hugging him for all she was worth.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” he whispered near her shoulder.

She nodded. “I’m glad you’re okay too,” she whispered back.

Letting go of him, she moved to the girl standing next to him. ‘Harper!” she exclaimed, wrapping her in a hug.

“Clarke!” the other blonde exclaimed back, a chuckle in her voice, along with a tear or two.

The two girls had never been especially close, but right now, they felt almost like sisters; bonded by circumstances and immense relief at finding the other okay after all this time.

Clarke pulled away, wiping off her cheeks. “I missed you guys!”

“Even me?” Murphy asked sardonically, standing just a few feet away, his posture still slouched and standoffish, his face still a carefully composed smirk.

But Clarke looked into his eyes, which were shining with a warmth she was irrationally proud of.

She walked to him, slinging an arm around his neck and pulling him close. “Yeah, Murphy. You too.”

He put an arm around her a bit awkwardly, and Clarke almost missed his words, which were barely loud enough for her to hear, even standing right beside him. “Glad you’re here,” he muttered.

She pulled back, crying again, because that was apparently all she did now, and because his gruff words almost seemed more significant than the ones that were given more freely from her other friends.

Done with their greetings, at least for now, Clarke walked back to Bellamy’s side, feeling an almost magnetic pull to be there.

Their hands clasped almost automatically, and Clarke didn’t miss the four gazes that all dropped to their joined hands.

There were definite smirks, from Raven and Murphy, of course, but no one seemed that surprised by it.

“The uh…” Clarke gestured to the door, which was now closed. “The house isn’t radiation proof, but it does block a considerable amount as long as you keep everything closed up. That’s how w…I’m up here, instead of down in the lab.”

Raven nodded, her brain already clearly working overtime as she glanced at the structure around her, taking everything in through her scientist’s eye.

They all stood there for a second, a little awkward now that they’d gotten the ‘so happy you’re not dead’ hugs out of the way.

They were saved from that awkward silence by a noise coming from a room on the other side of the house.

Four gazes turned in that direction, surprise clear on their faces, while Bellamy and Clarke looked at each other.

“What the hell?” Murphy asked, eloquent as ever and automatically reaching for his gun.

Clarke was still looking at Bellamy…at the expression on his face, which somehow seemed to convey nervousness and pride, all at the same time. “Go ahead,” she whispered.

He turned to their friends, although he grasped Clarke’s hand tighter. “That’s…uh…Clarke and I…”

She put her free hand on his forearm, trying to give him as much support as she could.

He took a deep breath. “We have a son,” he said, his voice ringing with a quiet pride that made Clarke’s heart happy.

Two pairs of eyes widened almost comically at the announcement, while two other faces were overcome by the smirks to end all smirks, although they both also had raised eyebrows of surprise.

“Seriously?” Murphy asked.

“You…oh my God, Clarke. You had a baby?” Harper asked, voice shocked.

Clarke nodded. “He’s…three…obviously. He’s…” she paused, trying to think of words adequate enough to describe him. “He’s perfect.”

Monty was still watching them with a sharp eye. “I knew he was pining over you big time…but that was nothing new. I didn’t realize you two had finally…gotten together.

“We..uh…” Clarke paused, wondering if she should talk about their personal lives, but quickly realizing that nothing had really been able to be kept private since they’d landed in that dropship all those years ago. Besides…these people were their family. She didn’t want them thinking she’d been hiding her relationship with Bellamy, as if she was ashamed of it. If they’d had more than a few hours together before all hell broke loose, she would’ve been shouting it from the treetops. “It was just the once. The night before you guys left.”       

Murphy whistled, stepping forward to sock Bellamy on the arm in a patented gesture of masculine pride that simultaneously made Clarke roll her eyes and blush.

“Shut up, Murphy,” Bellamy mumbled.

“I didn’t even say anything!” the other man insisted.

Clarke glanced at Bellamy, and found him with a similar blush…and an almost unwilling hint of pride on his face, which she couldn’t exactly fault him for.

But as she watched him, she could visibly see the guilt start to creep in.

She tugged on his arm, pulling him down and then pressing a sweet, but definitely not platonic kiss to his lips…right in front of their friends.

It said ‘we have nothing to be ashamed of.’

It said ‘we’re proud to claim each other.’

She only hoped that Bellamy got the messages too, not just their friends.

They pulled away from each other smiling.

“I need to go…prepare him,” she told him, then looked at their other friends to explain. “He’s never seen anyone but me. He was already a little freaked out by Bellamy. All of you…might be too much for him at once.”

She turned back to Bellamy, noticing the worried expression on his face. “He’ll be okay, Bell. He’s a really smart kid…he just might need some…time.”

He nodded, although his face didn’t exactly relax.

She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile, although she was already a little hesitant to let him leave her sight, lest she come back and realize none of this had been real.

She leaned up to kiss his cheek, hoping to bolster them both, then headed down the hallway to the playroom.   

She found JJ inside, playing with his teddy bears and other toys, and the simplicity of it…the familiarity of it, helped to calm Clarke’s brain from the roller coaster it had been on for the past hour or so.

“Hey, little man,” she said cheerfully, sitting down on the floor beside him. “You doing okay?”

Her son, ever the tiny little adult, looked at her primly and said, “Daddy came back for us.”

She let out a surprised chuckle. “Yeah, baby, he did,” she said, running her fingers through his curls. “Are you…okay with that? You don’t have to be right away. It’s okay if you’re scared or shy for a little while. I know it’s always just been you and me. But I just want you to remember everything I’ve told you about your Daddy, yeah? And when you feel more comfortable…I hope you’ll let him get to know you, okay?”

He was watching her very studiously, like he always did when she talked to him. Growing up without other children around, and with her as his only companion, he often acted a good decade or so older than he actually was. “Okay, Mommy.”

Clarke nodded happily, her hand falling to his shoulder. “There are some other people here too who want to meet you. You think you’re up for that?”

She watched his face for his reaction, and while he seemed a little apprehensive, he also looked curious. “Okay,” he replied.

She breathed a sigh of relief, standing up and offering him her hand. “Just come say hi to everybody. And then if you want to come back here and play, just you and me, we can do that, okay?            

He nodded, taking her hand and heading with her toward the doorway.

It wasn’t until she looked up that she realized that Bellamy was standing just outside the doorway and probably had been for some time.

He looked a bit sheepish. “Sorry, I couldn’t…”

Yeah, she knew.

He couldn’t resist the pull toward them.

She knew because she’d been feeling a similar pull toward him when she’d left him.

She walked up to him, placing a gentle hand on his chest in understanding. “I know,” she said quietly.

Bellamy’s eyes shifted downward abruptly, and he realized that JJ was tugging on the bottom of his shirt.

Bellamy quickly kneeled down, putting him more at eye level with his son. “What is it, little man?” he asked, careful to keep his voice calm and cheerful, even though Clarke could see the hope and nervous energy in his eyes.

Her heart also stuttered a bit at the fact that he’d already picked up her nickname for their son.

JJ studied him for a moment, and Clarke had the distinct thought that he was cataloguing his features, probably trying to make sure he matched all the drawings he’d seen.

“You’re my Daddy,” he said, more a statement than a question.

“Yeah, I am,” Bellamy answered, although he still seemed to be in awe of the fact.

JJ looked up at her for a moment. “Mommy says…you love me as much as she does,” he said, looking back at Bellamy.

Bellamy’s face tightened with emotion. “That’s right. I do.”

JJ nodded, contemplating his next move. “She said that…when you came back…it’s like I’d have two of her.”

Bellamy nodded. “You do. You have both of us now…always,” he said, and he said it as if he was making a solemn oath. “What else did your Mommy tell you?”

The little boy reached a hand out, putting it on Bellamy’s shoulder.

“She said you were trying to come back…and you were sad you couldn’t be with us.”

Bellamy nodded again, voice a little choked as he said, “She was right again.” He looked up at Clarke for a moment, his eyes trying to convey everything he was feeling. “Your mom is a very smart woman.”

Bellamy’s gaze was still on Clarke, which is why he didn’t fully realize what was happening until it happened.

JJ had stepped forward, flinging his arms around Bellamy’s neck.

Bellamy stood stock still, his eyes widening in surprise before he finally wrapped his arms around his son, holding him tightly.

“I’m sorry you were sad,” the little boy said.

Bellamy huffed a laugh, his eyes closing as a tear trailed down his cheek, his face some combination of awe and pure joy that made Clarke’s breath hitch in her throat.

She looked down at the two people she loved most in the world, the two people who fate had cruelly kept apart for so long, and the sight of them holding onto each other made some void in her heart fill with the best kind of happiness…a kind she didn’t even know existed until now.

“Can I go meet everybody now?” JJ asked.

Clarke chuckled, wiping away her own tears. “Yeah, little man. You can go meet everybody.”

JJ pulled back to look at Bellamy. “Is Auntie Octavia here??” he asked excitedly.

Bellamy shot Clarke another look, one that was full of surprise and gratefulness. “No, she’s not here yet. We’re going to see her really soon though, okay?”

JJ nodded, and when Bellamy stood up, the little boy expectantly held his arms out.

Bellamy only hesitated for a second before picking him up and placing him on his hip.

Clarke noticed how Bellamy kept his hand on JJ’s back and his chin resting against the top of his head for a moment, trying to get his fill of his newfound son without being too obvious about it, so as not to freak him out.

Bellamy finally reached out, taking Clarke’s hand, and the three of them headed down the hallway toward the living room, where they could hear voices.

The minute they stepped inside, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at the little family in front of them in astonishment.

Clarke took in her friends’ faces before turning to look at Bellamy and JJ.

JJ looked beyond curious, studying everyone in front of him with wide eyes and an eager gaze.

Bellamy looked like he was about to burst with fatherly pride, although there was still a bit of incredulity mixed in.

He shifted JJ higher on his side as he introduced him. “This is JJ,” he announced.

There was a chorus of answering greetings, mostly from Monty and Harper.

Bellamy started to point out their friends, to introduce them to JJ, but the little boy said, “I know, Daddy!” and started squirming to be let down.

Bellamy obliged, then watched interestedly as he walked over to grab a toy off the floor.

It was some sort of metal action figure, and its arm was currently detached from its body.

JJ walked over to Raven, holding the toy up to her. “Mommy said you’d teach me how to fix stuff,” he informed her. “Can you fix my toy?”

Raven looked at the boy in surprise for a moment before her face broke into a gigantic grin. “Of course I can. I think I’ve got my soldering gun in my backpack in the entryway. Want to come get it with me?” she asked, holding out her hand.

JJ turned around, looking at Clarke hesitantly.

She encouraged him with a smile and a nod, and he immediately grabbed Raven’s hand, going into the hallway with her.

“Shit,” Murphy said, the minute they were out of sight. “You two really have a kid.”

Bellamy glanced at Clarke, small smile on his lips. “Yeah, we do.”

It only took a couple minutes for Raven and JJ to retrieve the necessary supplies and come back, and by the time they walked back in, they were in some sort of animated discussion about rockets.

Clarke watched as Raven set everything up on the kitchen counter, and she was about to caution her about the child’s safety, but she stopped herself when she saw the other girl scoot JJ’s stool to a careful distance, then place protective glasses over his eyes.

Even though he seemed to be in great hands, she kept a careful eye on her son as everyone else started asking her questions, and she them.

The next few hours passed in sort of a blur, everyone trading stories and important information about the last four years, as well as coming up with ideas on what to do next.

Clarke answered everything she could, most notably telling them that she would probably need to give them all nightblood injections to protect them from what were still moderately high radiation levels, that the house was safe as long as it was kept sealed and the oxygen and water purifiers kept working, and that she hadn’t had any contact with the bunker in four years either.

She answered questions about JJ, including that he was, indeed, half-nightblood, she’d been very lucky that Becca’s mansion had been stocked with an odd assortment of children’s clothes and toys, and that no, she didn’t recommend going through childbirth on your own, but she’d absolutely do it again if she had to.

The entire time they talked, at least one of their friends was keeping him occupied. Raven spent at least a half hour fixing his toy and then answering every question he threw at her, and then Monty and Harper spent a good bit of time chasing him around the living room in an impromptu game of tag. Perhaps the most surprising though, was Murphy, who must’ve spent at least an hour on the floor with him, playing whatever game the three-year-old dreamed up at the time.

Weirdly enough, it seemed like Murphy was his favorite.

Clarke also noticed odd glances going back and forth between Murphy and Raven as each one was with the child, and she made a mental note to ask Bellamy about it later.

It was only that thought that made Clarke realize that Echo and Emori weren’t there.

She’d noticed they were missing, of course, when her friends had first showed up, but she’d assumed they’d stayed back at the rocket for some reason, or perhaps they were coming later with more gear.

Then, she’d been overwhelmed with telling everyone about her son and making sure JJ was okay with meeting everyone.

The two girls she barely knew had completely slipped her mind after that.

“Where are Emori and Echo??” she asked.

Bellamy started beside her, as if he’d just realized they were missing too.

Murphy scowled for the first time since he’d started playing with JJ. “They tried to steal our sh…stuff,” he corrected himself, glancing at the boy in front of him, who was stacking blocks in a complicated pyramid shape.

“What?” Bellamy thundered.

“It’s fine,” Raven interjected. “Echo pulled out her knife and tried to turn all…Echo…on us. We told them to just take their share of the algae and water and leave…and they did.”

Clarke watched Bellamy’s face, noticing that, other than a bit of anger, he didn’t really seem to care.

She also noticed that JJ seemed to be fading fast, rubbing his eyes every few minutes and yawning, and she realized that the excitement of the day must have gotten to him.

She put a hand on Bellamy’s arm, then turned to quietly tell him that she was going to give their son a bath and get him ready for bed.

He nodded, and she got up to collect the toddler, who seemed reluctant to go, but finally did, only after receiving promises from everyone that they’d still be there in the morning.

Clarke carried him down the hall to his bedroom and into the adjoining bathroom, quickly getting everything ready and then running his bath water.

She’d just gotten him into the tub and kneeled down beside it when she felt Bellamy’s gaze on them from the doorway.

Turning around with a smile, she motioned for him to come in.

He did, but tried to give them a bit of space, leaning against the counter and just observing.

Clarke kept up a steady stream of dialogue with JJ, trying to make sure he wasn’t too traumatized by everything that had happened today as she gently shampooed and then rinsed his hair.

She was extremely relieved to note that he seemed a little overwhelmed, but mostly curious and just grateful to have new playmates and new things to learn from them.

She knew Bellamy was watching their entire exchange, and it made her a little self-conscious…no one had ever seen her be a mother before…but she also felt a sense of relief…because _finally_ someone else was there.

She’d raised her son alone for three years, and she’d always been _terrified_ that something would happen to her and leave him all alone, helpless and unable to fend for himself.

Just knowing that Bellamy was here now…that their other friends were here now…let her breathe a little easier.

She gave him a final gentle rinse, then turned around to grab the towel she’d placed on top of the closed toilet seat…but found that Bellamy was already holding it out to her.

Irrationally…it almost brought a tear to her eye.

She shook off the feeling, grabbing it and wrapping it around JJ, pulling him out of the tub.

Deciding to do _just a little_ interfering, she handed Bellamy their son. “Here, little man. Let Daddy dry you off while I go get your pjs, okay?”

He nodded sleepily, his eyes already half shut as he just burrowed further into Bellamy’s arms.

Clarke paused for just a moment, letting herself enjoy the look on Bellamy’s face before she walked out into the bedroom to grab his pjs.

After a moment, Bellamy came out, carrying a mostly asleep little boy, and they worked together to get him dressed.

Clarke started to lay him down on the bed, which quickly woke him up.

“Story!” he insisted, eyes blinking exaggeratedly as he clearly fought sleep.

“Okay, baby. Come on,” she said, lifting him back up. “Which story do you want tonight?”

He was already shaking his head. “Daddy!” he whined.

Clarke looked at him in surprise. It wasn’t uncommon for him to get a little whiny and act closer to his own age when he was tired, but she’d assumed that he’d cling to her in those moments. “You want your Daddy to tell you a story?”

He nodded, reaching for Bellamy.

Clarke felt a couple different pangs in her heart, one at not being her son’s choice for the first time in his life, and another at the complete _rightness_ of this moment, because this was how it was always supposed to be. The two of them putting him to bed together, and JJ wanting Bellamy to read him his bedtime story, because yeah, Clarke would want Bellamy to be the one to read to her too.

Bellamy looked a bit flabbergasted, but accepted the squirming boy, then looked at Clarke a little helplessly.

She chuckled. “Go sit over there,” she said, motioning to a large sofa chair in the corner of the room.

Bellamy did as she said, then settled JJ more comfortably on his lap, the boy leaning against his chest.

“Which story do you want?” she again asked her son.

He pondered it for a moment, then excitedly said, “The Mountain!”

She nodded, grabbing a large homemade book off the dresser and taking it to Bellamy. She flipped about a quarter of the way through, then handed it to him.

He took it, looking over the page she’d turned to curiously, then flipping to the front, where her own hand had written “ _The Princess and the Rebel King_ ” in large, sweeping strokes.

He looked up at her, eyes full of surprise.

She gave him a shy smile in return.

“I…uh…I know this story, buddy, but I don’t know if I can tell it quite like your mom. We better let her do it tonight, okay?” he asked, voice emotional as he kept staring at her.

Clarke crawled into the chair with them, sitting beside Bellamy and putting her legs over his lap.

She proceeded to tell the same story she’d told JJ hundreds of times before: the one about how the Princess and some of her friends had gotten trapped inside a mysterious Mountain, and the Princess was the only one who realized these new people were not what they seemed.

She flipped through the pages she’d hand-drawn as she went, pointing out the elaborate artwork and plentiful meals inside in one drawing, then showing the Princess’s terrifying jump down the waterfall in the next.

The story continued with the Princess making her way home, and sharing an epic reunion hug with the Rebel King, which she’d also immortalized in great detail in colored pencil.

Next came the realization that they couldn’t leave their friends trapped and in danger, so the brave Rebel King offered to infiltrate the Mountain and go undercover, putting his own life in danger to save his friends.

The story continued with as many of the facts as possible…except they were all watered down a bit. The Mountain Men looked more like cartoon monsters than terrifying cannibals, Cage Wallace was more handlebar-mustached villain than evil psychopath, and of course…it ended a bit vaguely, with the Princess and the Rebel King freeing their people and vanquishing evil, but no real details on how they did it.

Clarke hadn’t wanted to go full Brothers Grimm on her three-year-old.

By the time she finished, JJ was curled into Bellamy’s arms, sound asleep.

She closed the book, setting it on her lap, and curled into Bellamy’s other side, one hand on their son’s back.

Bellamy put his free arm around her, holding her close.

She wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, the three of them curled up together, maybe an hour…maybe more, but she could honestly say it was the best hour of her life.

Eventually, JJ started to flail a little, trying to move around to get more comfortable.

“He’ll sleep better in bed,” she whispered.

Bellamy nodded, slowly disentangling himself and standing up, oh-so-gently laying JJ in his bed, then pulling the covers over him.

He watched him for a minute, then went back to Clarke, reclaiming his seat and picking the book back up.

He pulled her back into his side, then started flipping through the book, seemingly astonished at what he found there.

It was their story…all of it.

…or at least the parts it was okay to recount to a toddler.

There were drawings of the Ark, the dropship, the supply depot, the Mountain, Arkadia, Polis, Becca’s lab…every setting that mattered.

They were sort of broken up into different stories, each with an evil villain the heroes had to fight: first the Grounders, then the Mountain Men, then ALIE, then an unstoppable radiation wave.

But through it all, in true fairytale fashion, was the relationship between the Princess and the Rebel King. They fought, they became friends, they learned to lead together and grew to care for each other. They made mistakes, of course, and they were often separated, sometimes by their own stupidity…but they always found their way back to each other, because that was where they wanted to be.

Bellamy got to the last few pages of the book, which told a kid-friendly version of their last night on Earth, with the Princess and the Rebel King admitting their love for each other and promising they’d always be together.

Then came the radiation wave, the antenna tower, and the Rebel King’s brave but heartbreaking decision to leave so everyone could survive.

There were a couple more pages, one of Clarke holding an infant in Becca’s lab, checking the radiation levels on the computer screen, and then another of Clarke and an older JJ coming to live in Becca’s mansion.

The last page was a drawing of the three of them together, Bellamy holding JJ with one arm and his other arm around Clarke, all three of them smiling as if they were posing for a picture.

Bellamy’s breath caught when he saw it, and he looked at Clarke.

“I always told him you’d come back. That was always how the story ended, Bell.”

He pulled her close, pressing his lips into her hair.

They stayed there for a while, both just watching their son sleep.

She knew he probably didn’t want to let JJ out of his sight, even while the child was asleep, and while she loved him for it…she also needed him to herself for a while.

She stood up, grabbing his hand and pulling. “He’ll still be here in the morning, Bellamy.”

He nodded, but didn’t seem inclined to move yet.

“Bell…I need you,” she said quietly.

She didn’t just mean in a physical sense, although that was part of it. Mostly, she needed to be able to let her guard down, let herself truly feel everything she was feeling, and she couldn’t do that with her son sleeping 10 feet away.

He nodded, his eyes reflecting a similar longing back at her, and got up, following her to their son’s bed, where they both leaned over to give him a kiss on the forehead.

She led him out the door, down the hallway just a few feet, and to her bedroom next door…the same one they’d shared for one night all those years ago.

She dropped his hand after they got inside, leaving him to his own devices for a moment as she went to gather her things.

When she turned around, she found him staring at what she liked to call ‘The Wall of Pictures.’

There were dozens of her drawings taped to the wall above a long storage cabinet, and Bellamy seemed to be transfixed by them.

She set her clothes on the bed, then walked over to him, putting a hand on his back as she stepped up beside him.

His arm went around her almost automatically, even though his gaze never left the wall.

She looked at it with him, trying to imagine she was seeing it for the first time.

There was a group picture of the gang of delinquents: Monty, Jasper, Raven, Finn, Wells, Miller, Harper, Octavia, Murphy, Monroe, Fox…and, of course, Bellamy and Clarke.

There were other, smaller groupings of people in other drawings: Monty and Jasper in front of their still, Monty and Harper sitting by a fire, Jasper and Maya posing in front of a painting in Mount Weather, Abby and Kane in Arkadia, Clarke and Wells on the Ark, Octavia and Lincoln on Helios, Bellamy and Miller standing shoulder to shoulder in their guard uniforms.

Off to the side a bit was a smaller grouping of drawings: one similar to the one at the end of the story book, with Clarke, Bellamy, and JJ, one of Abby and Jake, and one of Bellamy and Octavia with a woman that was supposed to be their mother.

Clarke watched Bellamy anxiously as his eyes landed on it. She’d never met Aurora, but she’d heard about her a few times, from Bellamy and Octavia, and she’d tried her best to create what she imagined she looked like. Really, she looked a lot like an older version of Octavia.

“Sorry if it’s not…if it doesn’t look like her. I just wanted to make sure I included her in the family section for JJ,” she told him. “If you tell me what to fix, I will.

He closed his eyes for a second, shaking his head as if to clear it. “No…it’s…” he cleared his throat. “The cheeks a little fuller maybe? And the jaw a little rounder. But…it’s pretty close. How did you even…?”

Clarke shrugged. “I put drawings of you and Octavia side by side and then gave your mom all your common features…filled in the rest by kind of imagining what your sister might look like in 20 years.”

“I can’t believe you did this, Clarke. They’re…amazing.”

“I wanted to make everyone real for him…and I wanted to keep everyone alive for myself. Especially you…my mom…Octavia. I wanted to make sure he’d know the people who were going to be most important in his life when he finally got to meet them.”

Bellamy pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to her forehead, and they stood there for a few more minutes, just staring at all their loved ones.

Clarke finally turned out of his arms, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the bathroom.

As soon as they were inside, she slid her hands underneath his shirt, smoothing it up his stomach until he got the hint and pulled it off over his head.

As soon as it was off, she pressed dozens of kisses to his chest, and then his back, eager… _desperate_ to kiss as much of him as she could.

They took their time, pulling their clothes off slowly, pausing to kiss each other softly whenever they felt like it…reacquainting themselves with each other.

Finally, Clarke reached in and turned on the shower, then led Bellamy inside.

They just stood there for a minute, standing under the water and staring at each other, Bellamy’s hand cupping the side of her face like he couldn’t bear to not be touching her, even for a second.

Clarke _finally_ let everything she’d been feeling wash over her…the loneliness, the desperation of four long years alone, the heartbreak of the man she loved being in outer space while she was alone on a radiation soaked Earth…the facade she’d had to wear at times, both for her son and for her own mental well-being…the _terrifying_ thought that occasionally crossed her mind that something had happened to him…

Then came the contrasting emotions from today…the absolute elation…the fondness, the adoration…the overwhelming love she felt for this man, and the responding love she felt coming from him…her indescribable joy at seeing Bellamy with his son…

It all hit her like a ton of bricks.

“ _Bellamy_ ,” she cried.

He immediately pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly against his chest.

She lost herself to the feeling of his arms around her, his bare skin touching hers from head to toe, his hand rubbing soothingly up and down her spine, the scent and the feeling of him surrounding her as the water pounded down on them both.

She was pretty sure they were both crying, and it felt like just another one of those moments that would bond them in a way no one else could understand…one of those moments where they were so in-sync, so in-tune with each other, it was hard to tell where one of them stopped and the other began.

She had a distinct feeling that the water was washing away their pain and their heartache…and that after this, they’d truly be able to begin their lives together, the pain of the last four years only a distant memory.

Clarke felt her tears slow and then eventually stop, and she turned her head, placing a kiss on his chest.

He pulled back a little to look at her. “I missed you,” he whispered raggedly. “Every day.”

She nodded. “Me too,” she replied, and she couldn’t help it when her gaze roamed over his shoulders and chest, taking in every part of him she could.

It was just after that that she realized he was doing the same to her.

She hunched a little, trying to shield some of herself from his gaze.

He smiled, but there was confusion on his face as he cupped her jaw, running his thumb over her cheek. “I want to see you. I’ve been dreaming about it for so long, Clarke.”

She looked away. “I’ve…I’ve changed, Bell. I had a baby.”

His brow furrowed in confusion. “So?”

She didn’t say anything else, still looking at the shower wall.

It wasn’t that she was ashamed of her body, necessarily, but it had been _so long_ since anyone else had seen it…and now it was the person whose opinion mattered most in the world to her that was seeing it.

He’d also been dreaming about it…about _her_ …for four years, and he was remembering the body she’d had when she was 18 and had never been pregnant.

Honestly, she just didn’t want to be a disappointment.

Bellamy moved his hands to her hips, pulling her away from him a bit so he could see her.

She held her breath, knowing what he would see.

She’d actually lost some weight, what with living off the packs of dehydrated and canned food in the lab, and her curves weren’t as prominent anymore, but that wasn’t really what made her self-conscious.

What made her self-conscious was the stretch marks that zig-zagged along her lower stomach, marring what had been a flawless smooth surface before.

She was pretty sure Bellamy’s gaze had found them, because his eyes seemed to have frozen there.

She took a breath, steeling herself for his platitudes.

She knew he wasn’t shallow and that he’d still love her, no matter what, but she still wasn’t really in the mood to hear how ‘they’re not that bad’ or ‘they’ll fade in time.’

Of all the possible scenarios she’d been expecting…him dropping to his knees in front of her wasn’t one of them.

She looked down at him in confusion, and watched as he leaned forward, his hands on her hips, and pressed a kiss to her stomach.

She shakily let out the breath she’d taken, starting to cry, for seemingly the 300th time today, as he pressed a soft, indescribably tender kiss to every stretch mark she had.

When he was done, he rested his forehead against her stomach for a moment before he looked up at her, adoration in his eyes. “ _Clarke_ ,” he said, voice full of so much love she couldn’t hardly stand it. “You carried _our baby_. You carried our baby…delivered our baby…all by yourself.” He pressed another kiss to her stomach. “They’re beautiful,” he said, voice ringing with awe and sincerity as he stood up, cupping her face in his hands. “You’re beautiful.”

She shouldn’t even have been surprised: that’s always what they’d done for each other.

The pieces of herself that she wanted to hide…the pieces of herself she thought were broken…he saw them and loved them anyway.

He thought of them as her strengths.

She couldn’t stop the surprised laugh that escaped her, letting out all of her tension and insecurities with it, and leaving, in its place, the bliss that came with knowing the person you loved without reservation also loved you without reservation.

She stood on her tiptoes, kissing him for all she was worth.

They stood there, under the shower, lips and tongues tangling and hands roaming until long after the water had started to run cold.

He finally reached over to shut it off, then offered her a hand out so she wouldn’t slip.

They dried each other off, still trading kisses and caresses.

She was a little surprised it wasn’t more frantic, given how long they’d been apart, but she was kind of glad it wasn’t.

It was as if they both realized that they had all the time in the world together now, so there was no need to rush, and that made it all the more beautiful.

She slipped a large t-shirt over her head and he pulled on a pair of boxers, and they walked back out into the bedroom, still holding hands.

The minute her eyes landed on the nightstand, she knew there was something she needed to show him before she finally made love to him.

Sitting down on the bed, she opened the drawer of the nightstand, then looked up at him. “Sit down,” she said, patting the space beside her.

He did, looking at her expectantly.

She pulled out five Polaroid pictures.

“I found an old camera in the lab, but it only had a few empty pieces of film with it…so…”

She handed him the first one, which was a terribly aimed selfie of her at roughly nine months pregnant, shirt tied just under her bra so her massive belly was on clear display.

She heard Bellamy’s sharp intake of breath and smiled as she handed him the next one, which was of JJ just a few hours after she’d given birth. He was tiny and wrinkly and wailing for all he was worth, and he was beautiful.

She handed him the rest of the pictures, one at a time, one on each of JJ’s next three birthdays.

He fanned them out in his hands, staring at all of them in awe.

“ _Clarke_ ,” he whispered.

“I didn’t want you to miss anything,” she told him. “You know…you used your head when you saved us all…and I used your heart when I had our baby,” she whispered. “I’m so _so_ glad I did.”

He turned to her, his face clearly conveying that he didn’t know what he did to deserve all of this. “I love you so much, I don’t know what to do with it all,” he said, voice reverent.

She carefully took the pictures from him and put them back in the drawer, then turned back to him, grabbing his hand and tugging him toward her. “Show me.”

And he did.

 

_In true fairytale fashion…theirs was the story of a Princess and her Rebel King._

_They fought, they became friends, they learned to lead together and grew to care for each other…and, somewhere along the way…they fell in love._

 

The End

 

_You’ve got all of me_

_I belong to you_

_Yeah, you’re my everything_

_In case you didn’t know_

_I’m crazy bout you_

_I would be lying if I said_

_That I could live this life without you_

_Even though I don’t tell you all the time_

_You had my heart a long long time ago_

_Yeah, you had my heart a long long time ago_

_In case you didn’t know_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Leave me thoughts!
> 
> Do you love me?
> 
> Do you hate me?
> 
> Are you indifferent toward my melodramatic ass?
> 
> Do you want to track me down and show me how many Kleenexes I made you use?
> 
> If anyone needs me, I'll probably still be on my couch, in the fetal position, drinking wine straight from the bottle, watching Friends, and asking my brain what I ever did to it to deserve it coming up with shit like this chapter to torture me with.
> 
> Thanks for reading, y'all.


End file.
